Archive for November, 2015

Xavier Ummer (who is seriously considering getting his named changed),………stopps fillinf out paperwork and steps ovr to the laptop and types and asks…….Dear Hugh, How is Aunt Bertha? I know how important she is there at teh Service and YET,…We seldom here from her….It is as if you seek to garner all the credit and endless accoladianal awards for the work that goes on their……Where is Bertha.? and Why dont you give her the credit she sew writefully deservers?

From Hguh….

 

Well…………….

You have asked two mini questions

fer me too deel wiff em all….

But let me say “this”.

THIS

THIS

THIS

THIS

THIS

THIS

THIS

THIS

THIS….

Ok……….. There I said it.

.

Aunt Bertha is fine…..

(She put on a few pounds during June

but now is

exercising a lot and eating only

veggies that are baked into doughnuts)

.

Berthas Main problem is that she spends

weigh too much time watching

Auto repair and customization shows

on Cable.

.

And then spends the wrest of the day tweaking

the fuel oil mixture on her Chevrolet Monte Carlo

that is powered by twelve weed eater engines

that are wired in parrallell.

.

But overall …….she’s perfectly OK.

Thanks so much for your lack of interest over

the last few months up till now…..

.

Sparky Clingman, who runs a Tire Tread Analyzing Service in the Sahara Dessert, stops long enoughtworight………………..Dear Hughbert, IT IS SEW GOOD to see you back in control of the Service after that debacle in which Bunky Snodgrass attempted to rise to your level of success…..(and pretended to be as smart as you)…..WHAT WAS HE THINKING?……….Also, What is your favorite food dish made from Roadkill…….?

.

From Hughy

.

Welllllllllllllll….

I dont know what he was thinking….

But he is now on his second day of

watching only old

Masterpiece Theater Reruns on PBS.

.

That’ll bring the little rascal to his centsez….

.

Now………

to the roadkill query…..

.

My very favorite of all thyme is the simple

CAN OF

CREAMED POSSUM in RACCOON GRAVY

.

Creamed Possum

Yes………………It’ as good as you think it is….

And Knot only that……

It’s just as good left over

as it was the first minute you

open the cann….

The Raccoon gravy helps to preserve

the flavor for up to

36 days.

.

 

Today here at H.A.S…………….We are fininishing the final steps of keeping ole Hughy relegated to virtual insignificance….I Bunky (Ironboy) Snodgrass have gained a tight stranglehold over the entire operation…Aunt Bertha is co operating…..and I have virtually finished all details of stealing Ole Hughburt’s identity. For all practical porpoises, I am now HIM, (except much younger)….This question comes pouring in today from Mr.Hughy himself………Dear Bunky, On each occccassssion that folks have stolen my identity, they have reaized within less than three daze, that they do knot want toob ee mee. It is much too confusig to normal folks. I predict that YOU TOO will realize the err oar of your weighs. the question is “WHEN”?

.

From Bunky

.

Well Mr. Hughy

.

I can forsee some issues arising with me

pretending to be you. (Buy the waay,

Forsseeeing anything at my age is tricky)

.

But Worry knot mr. Hughbert,

Your Answering Service Empire is in good hands…

At least compared to being in the hands of a Congressman.

.

Plus we are not loggin every phone

call you make or checking your emails!!!!!!

.

WHEN will I regret becoming you????????

Maybe when the utility bill comes in??????

wpid-IMAG0536.jpgWhere did I catch this one…….????

.___________________________________

In the mouth.

Gerald Horaldo who is a stamp licker ….at Bingo’s stamp licking Service (and Brake repair)…..Writes…Dear Bunky….I am am am am so glad that you have taken over Hugh’s Answering Service. It was high time that somebody with more maturitity than old Hughbert be running the show there. I know you are only three, but let me ask you this….What causes wind to blow?

……..

From Airy Bunky

.

Hello and thanks for reealizing that I am an improvement over HUGHY.

I trust that it didnt take you long to come to that contusion.

.

Regarding wind.

Wind is caused by moving air flowing

into air that isn’t moving at all until it is

hit by moving air.

.

The aforementioned air is caused by the world spinning.

Imagine yourself on the outer edge of a basketball…

Whirling around and around….

.

Actually it’s pertty amazing that there

isnt more wind all the time…

It aught to be blowin perty hard 24/7.//

/___________________________________________________________________

WHY DID I PUT THIS OUTRAGEOUS AND SUPER IRRITATING

TRIANGLE BACK ON HEAR TWODAY….?

BECAUSE I COULD……

IT IS ONE OF THE MORE INSANE THINGS IVE SEEN LATELY….

I can hardly look at the silly thing…

 

Well Welll Wellllllll………Today I received a postcard from the little three year old computer hacker BUNKY SNODGRASS. (apparently he can’t even hack our email anymore) What this means is that Aunt Bertha has FINALLY closed all the gaps in our anti hackificationalistic software. We are now safe at the Service from all Three year old hackers. So I am simply going to gloat and answer an easy question from lvinia Batterwone: dear Hughy…..What is the world’s largest Butterfly?

….

From Little Bunky Snogdrass….

.

Hey Mr. Hughy….

FOOLED YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

.

I figgured that snail mail document would

throw you off..

.

Hang on a minute….Ive got to get my diaper changed…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ok …..I’m back

.

I’ve got to get out of this diaper phase….

What an inefficient method of dealing with

various issues.

.

Anyweigh….

You cant keep me out Mr. Hughy…

I have completely taken over your

severs and am sending out

my mommies favorite

fat free

sugar free …

taste free recipes….

to all your subscriptors….

(Both of em)…

.

Have a nice day Mr. Hughy….

Send me a six pack of tootsie rolls and I’ll give

you the knew password to your blog…

.

The swatter

dachshund on stilts - Copy

Big Earl Quinine from an corn growth watching outpost in Kansas is very concerned about how crop circles happen and about extra terrestrial life in general…..He writes Simply …..Dear down to Earth Hughy…………How do crop circles happen….?

.

From down to earth Hughy……….

.

The cause of crop circles has been

a source of debate among the great

minds of our time….

But since you are desperate for an answer….

I’ll address the issue also.

.

Normally, in order to get a circle…….

in a field of crop….

there has to be something moving

in a consist radias from a

centroid point of geometric construct.

Or GOING AROUND AND AROUND.

.

So thusly , I suspect that is what is happening hear….

And there.

.

Both Aliens and humans are capable

of such goings on….but they must

remember that what goes around

comes around….(whatever that means).

.

The reason you never see CROP TRAPEZOIDS

is that they are far more difficult to make.

As are Isocelees triangles and decodohedrons.

And Hypoteneuses.

.

…Parnell T. Schellmond is very very pleased today that I have moved his question to the front of the line on the question board. Unfortunately for him….Todays question is drawn out of Aunt Edna’ old aquarium tank……So the question comes from Karl Vinkieale’ in an igloo near Phoop Alaska…….Dear Hughy….”My mother was a wonderful cook but she never taught me much…..And HEY now that I think about it…IM THIRSTY….What.. .substances are acceptable for making a good T……?

…from confused Hughbert

.

Well Phil….

I’m not sure what you mean….

.

I guess I will answer it this weigh….

.

To make a good T…………..

USE EITHER of these substances

INK…..OR

LEAD……………….and

Simply place a horizontal line

across the top of a vertical line.

.

I dont know how much longer I can

keep babying you and your type with

this kind of stuff.

I am busy….

How hard can it be to just

google such a thing….?

.

Just use a little common scents.

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