Ursula Banderas from Rocky Edge Missouri writes dear Hugh; I love to sing…I really love it….and I sing real Loud…Due to the preceeding facts, I am alone an awful lot. I have even noticed that small mammals vacate the premises when I hit the high notes. I have heard that you are a crooning machine.That you often even hit notes that are heretofore unknown to mankind…..What tips can you share with me to hep me really git down and regain my friends (and pets)….?????….?

From Singing Machine Hughy

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Howdy Ursula………(Do you mind if I use a more “HIP” name for you since we are dealing in show biz stuff?) Thanks, …I’m gonna call you “Urssee Baby”…….

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Now,…………..Urssee Baby ole gal……The first thing you gots to do is take a chill pill …..Being friendless and petless isn’t all that bad …..as long as you don’t notice it or admit that it’s true. Start out by just denying reality. That always turns out real good ,as time passes. )NOT!!!!!!!!)

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Nevermind that suggestion….

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Here’s the deal ole chicky……………..Sing from the diagraghm…….Take a deep breath,….Tilt your head back at 63 degrees….((EXACTLY 63 degrees…..MEASURE IT. )))  Let your tongue drop slightly to the left……. then

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FLOSS YOUR Teeth!!!!!!!!!! What in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I had realized what a mess your mouth was in, I never would have even taken this question.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Land sakes alivin’!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Where was I……………………….Oh yes…………….After the previous steps…….Start the song…..IF THE ROOM EMPTIES IMMEDIATELY, reassess steps one through 7 and try it again.

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Sorry, I’ve got to run…………………I’ve got to gargle with some honey and motor oil to get ready for a program for the Spatula Manufactureres convention tonight in Peoria.