Archive for June, 2013

Twiggy Sheldon from Aardvark Ridge Maryland, writes ,…Dear Mr. Hughbert,…..What are the advantages of a ZERO TURN lawn mower..?

From mowboy Hughy. .

Well…..

The zero turn mowers are the rage .

But mostly among people

with Very

LOOOOONG

STRAIGHT

narrow yards. .

.

When you purchase a lawn mower

that can’t be

TURNED

or steered in any way,…

You better have a good eye

for aimin that rascal..

and hopin you don’t hit

any bumps or holes.

.

I’ll just be honest with you Twiggy.

The first time I used a zero turn mower

I ended up in the River.

.

All you’ve got to do is misscalculate

by a foctoid of Point Ohhh WON

degrease……and you’re liable to end up in Canada…

or in the Atlantic or Specific Ocean.
.

.

The fact that you have to go

straight all the time

realy realllly confuses the averagem

owero wner…..

.

Soo get a push mower and get busy.

.

 

Gizmo Saddler is a kangaroo bridle manufacturer in Brisbane Austria. (Yes, you can ride kangaroos, BUT NOT WITHOUT A PROPER BRIDLE….Please call Gizmo at BR 548)…….Gizmo writes simply, Dear Hugh, I follow your blog very carefully, and , at my weekly psychiatric visits, we discuss many of the issues that have arisen in my life due to your writings,….The doc says I’m gonna have to unubscribe to H.A.S. ….I’m so sorry. He tells me that you are a LOON. Im sorry to brake the news to you but ….BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!!

.

Howdy from Hughy

.

Welllllll Welllllll Welll…

Soooooooooooo

 I’m being ostracized by

theeem Edical community.

.

This is unacceptable and would appear

(on the surface) to involve PROFILING.

.

Just because I say absurd and

intensly useless stuff on a regular

base iss,

in know weigh inculcates that I can

be expectorated to continue unabated.

.

His judgment is preem atture…and unjustiff eyed.

.

I want to appeal to somewhere for a

scents of restithughtion in this surmization.

.

Meanwhile, I think he’s probably write,

But thats beside the point.

.

You didnt ask a question but

theirs nothing I can do since

you have done unsubsribben.

.

See you later….when you come to your centsez.

And return with a thirst for knowledge.

 

Twesme Shanklin didnt write in today. but his sister Twesne,…..did….. She writes very simply,, dear Hugh is it possible for one extinct species to be MORE EXTINCT than another…..? Or is there a necessary equalization of extinctness regarding this anomaly….? Also, do any extinct species ever come back into existence by sheer chance?

….

From Non extinct Hughy

.

Welllllll………..

This is actually a question that is

usually answered by an

arthoropodist.

Which probably explains why there

is so much confusion about it.

.

(You could ask a Liberrian, but they

will have to go look it up…)

And whom has got time for that…?

.

The situation with extinctness is

Yes….Some things are more extinct

than others.

DUH.

.

That goes without saying…

Or at least it should have.

.

BUT

ABSOLUTELY NOT ….

on the question of coming back after

extinction.

.

Once a

Double Snouted Argentinian Tri-toed

Tree Sloth is gone,

It aint comin back….

No more than it came about

by chance  in the first place.

.

Serious side note…….

Thusly, we knead to be careful to use resources wisely

and keep in mind the needs of our fuzzy friends…

at the same time wisely addressing the  more important needs

of our fellow

man .  We are part of nature TOO…!!!

.

 

Wadsworth Pennington Earlsburg the IV…….from Guzzlers Knob Tennesseessee, stops reviewing his portfolio and writes in to the Service for financial counsel and advice and stuff like that…… dear Hugh, I am diversified, DO YOU THINK THAT IS WISE…?

……

From Financial Genius Hughy

,

Howdy Waddy!!!!!!!!!!!

.

I thought you were on a cruise in the coastal

waters off of Mayheeko.

Maybe yoou are, …I reckon they got intranet

out there.

.

Ever cents you inherited that priceless

porcelane statue of Albert Einstein

eating a kumquat, you have been talking diversification.

.

I was diversified one time…..

But I went to the doctor and he gave me

a persckiption that seemed to help.

.

But seariously,

YES, YOU MOST CERTAINLY do need to diversify.

Do knot put all your chickens in one basket…..

There are a number of reasons for that….

Not the least of which is you will end up with a

very messy basket.

.

On the other hand…

If you put only one chicken in

each basket

You will  end up with a

bunch of messy baskets

unless you time things just exactly write.

.

Alva Dinnnnnnnnnnnnly from Typooooooooooooo Nevada writes….Dear Hughy, What is the best way to get my “N” key….and My “O” key to work properly? As yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn sea, they boooooooooth have innnnnnnnnntermitennnt discrepanismic tendencies…… u

…from Typer boy hUGHY

.

Weeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllll……

.

The frist thing I would do inn

making shure thatt you don’t have

any erroneous linguistical anomalies

in you typeage, is to run your laptop

through an automatric Car warsh with it strapped

to the luggage rack of your Pinto ….

.

BUT MAKE SURE YOU RUN IT

THROUGH THE DRY CYCLE.

.

There is nothing worse than trying to type on a

laptop that is SQUISHY….

.

This action alone may resolve

your problem….

But if it doesn’t….

At least it won’t be the only

problem you’ve got.

.

If awl else fails…

Simply log onto our H.A.S.

Discounted Laptop

Discount FarceBook Page and

Order a used 27 inch fold out

super duty pocket sized

unit. Complete with inflatable

full_ sized CPU and key bored.

.

Satisfaction is not guaranteed…

but what do you expectorate from us.?????

Creamed Possum

How are they ever gonna sell this

creamed possum …

IF I DONT HELP EM ADVERTISE IT….?

wpid-IMAG0353.jpg

WHO ARE THEY SAVING ALL THOSE SEATS FOR??????

A represemnative to the Congress of the United States from the fine state of Confusion…..writes Dear Hughbert, Why do many members of Congress (on both sides of the aisle) not even reed the Laws that they pass….Much less understand what’s in em….?

…….

From Non electable Hughbert

.

Howdy Repre!!!!!

.

Welllllllllll…………

That is quite possibly the best question

we’ve had since Hugla Sherbert wrote in

wondering where she left her car keys..

.

Since it is such a common Practice to remain uninformed..

Apparently there is a good reason why mini of your

colleagues don’t read or have a clue about what’s in

those piles of paper you vote on up there in Warshington….

.

And as soon as I figger owt wwatt it is…..

I’ll let you know….

One thing is for sure…..

For individuals who rise to such

positions of power,

It certainly cannot possibly be

laziness or utter incompetence….

or failing to take the job seriously …..

or (((certainly it would not involve even in an

ancillary manner, the remote possibility

that they exempt themselves from some of the

absurd laws they pass.)))

.

That woood just be toooooo much

of a stretch….

.

My mind cant even begin to entertain

such possibilities.

.

Always remember……

As odd as it may seem for me to “draw a blank”

regarding an inquiry

When you start dealing with questions

regarding politics…

There are so few traces of common scents

left for me to work with…

that I may be unable to answer your queries.

.

 

 

 

 

Mignon Fille’ from Downdenslatte France writes in today regarding yesterday’s lackluster question from the HARE DRESSER…….. Dear Hughy, Did you misspel “HAIR” or did you mean to impticate that this woman was a clothier for our fine furry RABBIT buddies….. I’ve always been jumpy when discussing HARE issues…because I’m Bald. What’s the deal HUGHBERT?

From Hare E. Hughy

.

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…………..

Frist of all………

SPELLING IS ONE OF MY

STRONGPOIWNTS.

.

If I said she was a

HARE DRESSER..

I meant

SHE PUT CLOTHES ON RABBITS.

DEW KNOT QUESTION ME>

(EVEN THOUGH THIS IS AN

ANSWERING SERVICE.)

.

Yes…..the lady yesterday is indeed a

clothier of Little furry hopping carrot eaters.

.

Whenever rabbits are used in cartoons and

aminated media events….

Such as the times that you see rabbits in

movies and such goings on

on TV and movies and advertizments

on Bibboards…

SHE IS THE ONE THAT PUTS THE

TUXEDOS AND STUFF ON EM.

.

We run into some real

odd stuff hear at the Service

as you can imagine.

.

But we try to act normal and set a constant example

of normalcy

as a stabilizing imflumence on society.

.

 

 

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