Archive for August, 2012

Manfred Manns Mirth Band pulls over at a truck stop just to type this question …(cause they very wisely don’t want to be texting while driving)..dear Hughy “We love to play music we’ve never heard before,…but sometimes we aren’t sure how it goes, and we, thusly, get confused….What do you recccommend for us to do in practical terms to come to gripes with the problem at hand and move toward a resolution so that we will be able to groove?

.

From Hughbert

.

Well………….First of all, ….I assume you meant “come to grips” with the problem. I must assume that….because if you are coming to GRIPES…..that is a problem of a differnt stripe.

/

First of all, you need to admit your problem. Which , actually, you have already done,……..so I don’t know why I mentioned it.

.

Secondly, Turn to H.A.S. for a definitive answer and the help that you so desperately need.

.

Thirdly, Take our advice and implement it in every possible weigh,……..USE ONLY AS DIRECTED.

.

Fourth,  …………..find delight in the solution and resolution and therapution of it all….

.

Then send me a thank hugh note……….

.

You are very welcome………Please hesitate to right to us any time you have a problem.




Advertisements

Ellen Trudeau from Gobbler’s Nob Tennessee writes in today,….Dear Hughy: I have been reading your lackluster posts for way over a year….I have noticed a great deal of misspelling….Frankly, I find it outrageous. Did you not study English? Do you not have a spell-checker? Do you not care about your influence on the hundreds of millions of children whose parents read your posts and lower their grammatical standards due to YOUR BUFFOONERY ….And why do you make fun of PHONICS…?

.

From Hughy

.

Hel oh to my freqwent reeder  Ellen,

/

Eye appreecee8 yoor takeeng thyme two right inn.!!!!!!

.

As I’m sure you suspected, …..I have to put you on probation for sending in sew mini qwestchuns at wonce.

.

But that is pprobably watt ewe wer wonting……………………..So I’m going to give you blanket amnesty.

Now look Ellen ole gal…………..

You and eye bothe no that EVEN THE WORD …..”PHONICS” isn’t spelled using fonics. It should be FONICS. And you know it.

.

I will be expectorating you to agree with me quickly and to send in a rescinding retractionism of your scathing diatribe. Agreeing with H.A.S. is a good policy for you to begin to implement……….It will make your world a better place in which to do whatever it is that you are doing .. now that you no longer run the Spatula Manufacturing plant in Gobblers’ Knob……..

.

And, buy the weigh,

How is your Pot -bellied pig doing at his bi-weekly BAG-PIPE Lessons ????????????????????????? .






.

Timmy Nutone from Clang Kansas writes in today’s brilliant question…..dear Hughy,,,I know that you ar linguisticallistic prodigy and , as such , do not end sentences with prepositions in stuff you write about. So I turn to you for an definitive tidbit….regarding English and LiBRARY science….What is the passed tents of the word baby-sat? …and where would eye go in a Liberry to look up information to corroborate your answer….?

.

From Ole Hughbert

.

Hi Timmy boy………………..You have indeed turned to the write place. Make no mistake that about.

.

And LOOK>>>>>>>>>>>>> YOU HAVE KNOW NEED of checking with a Liberry or a LIBERIAN about this……Many of the Liberrians are stuck behind a desk re-evaluating the Hughy decimal System…….and are two busy to hep you.

.

TRUST MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

.

Now……

The word under discussion is BABY-SAT…Past tense.

.

The conjugablation past tense of BABY SAT Comes about as follows……I will baby sit…..He will baby sit….She did baby sit….

They said they would baby sit…..and they did baby sat…….Also We BABY sat…….Then we were called again and we baby satted…….We have baby satted….They have baby satted………and by tommorrow night we will have babysatted again…..

.

But the big question is still………..”While you baby sat, were you called upon by the forces of nature to have to change a STINKY diaper.?” Therein

lies the real issue…..

.

.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>>>>>

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
babysitter Pictures, Images and Photos
Look at this next one real closely….HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.
Babysitters Pictures, Images and Photos

Xavier Carlsbad III from upstate Florida writes in today………….asking quit simply….and succinctly ….Whom discovered America and all the folks that were already living hear?

.

From Hugh

.

Well…………….this is a touchy subject for folks whom are sensitive about it and also don’t trust my answers.

.

The first person actually hear was a pickle farmer named Edwin……back in 102 B.C.

He claimed the whole place for himself from coast to coast …but COULDN’T seem to keep it mowed.

.

So he tried to sell it…..but since there was no one else here….that didnt go too well.

.

He passed away and it was 400 years before some Indians  got lost while chasing a water buffalo in the Andes Mountains….One thing lead to anothern

….and they commenced to set up camp all over the place and got all upset with other folks for wantin to do the same thing.

.

It was a perty bad situation……….

.

After all that…..Some cat named Columbo rode over on a ship that was lost….and when he landed, he said he discoverd the joint even though there was thousands of folks already here….and PERTY MUCH sold the stupid idea to the rest of the world. So much so that there is a holiday named for his self even know that we know what really went down.

.

I know Ive kinda dealt with this before……but im dealin with it again to make sure that the scientificalistic commhughnity doesnt’ let thses factoids slide under the table…….

.

Colombo dont deserve no holiday…………He aught to have been kicked in the seat of his britches for mistreatin the folks he found over here and then claimin that HEEEEEEEEEEEEE discoverd the joint.


Panda Bearmane’ from Ipswhitch Ontario writes inn twoday…Dear Ole Hughy: My entire house has developed a moose problem. I am finding them in the sink, in the linen closet, around old piles of crackers that my three year old great grandneice leaves in the corners of her room….and even in the laundry basket. I understand that you have invented a better moosetrap….Will that work in this case?..and do you have any further advice for me?

.

……..From Hughy.

.

Welll………………..As my staph and I have sat hear looking your posted question over……………..(instead of over-looking your question..)

…We are somewhat perplexed. Unsure as to weather or knot you have a problem with MOOSES or MOUSES….?

.

Let us assume momentarily that your spelling iz correckt and that you actually have a house which is infested with MOOOSSES….

.

YOU”VE GOT A REAL PROBLEM……….The average moose weighs 1200-1500 pounds…..Which means the traps I sell, won’t do you a BIT of good.( But you might could go the local horse supply store and buy a bridle and a BIT…..and rig it on the rascals where you can ride em around in the house.)

.

I would say to get some of the glue traps and try that,………but Im afraid all you’ll end up with ….is MOOOSES running around with white squares stuck all over em. Science has not yet developed a really effective MOOSETRAP for indoor use. You could set moose food outside on the patio and then leave the doors open. At this point they may be lured into the outdoors by their inherent yearning for proper sustenance. Once outside they can be SHOOOED into the neighbors yard….or perhaps you can put signs on em and sell advertising as you walk em around on a leash.

.

Sure, it sounds unusual……….BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!!!!??????????? I can’t be expectorated to know how to handle something this goofy. Whom ever herd of such a thang.??????????

……………..And one more thing Panda Ole Gal……………….If you mistreat those varmits…YOU”LL GET CHARGED WITH A MOOSEDEMEANOR.



Quinton Mansse from Juxtapose Minnesota writes today (as he sits staring with a blank, confused look at a recipe book)…Dear Hughy, What is Eagle brand milk? It must be very expensive. I have heard that milking a bald eagle is really a challenge.

.

From Hugh

.

Well ………………………..As odd as it may seem, I actually grew up near an eagle dairy.

.

It was a very secret and clandestine operation that the owners didnt let many people know about because of the fact that it was secret and clandestine……..which is perty much how you have to go about keeping stuff low key and low profile and largely unknown to folks that don’t need to be aware of things because they would only cause trouble especially when the overall business plan is to utilize birds that are considered endangered even though they aren’t anymore and the whole thing is ok due to the fact that they are well cared for and even get to watch tv.

.

Anyhow………….Yes……….Eagle brand milk is indeed made of eagle milk. Which explains the name quite well. And mechanized eagle milking is very similar to milking cows. Its just not a big deal at all except for the fact that it takes waaaaaaaaaaaay more eagles than cows….to fulfill the demand.

.

A little known fact is that all the while that eagles were considered endangered,……….there were millions of em at eagle brand dairy facilities all over the country….(and one in Hawaii).

.

NOTE: Eagle Brand Milk is , of course….Passedyoureyezed and Cooked real good…and then pre treated and re treated and fixed up neatly in cans at the compan knees pristine canning facility.




The National Opthamalogical Consortium Headquarters from Flink Wisconsin writes in today….dear Hughbert, We have received reports of cans of insect spray that purportedly say on the can….”kills bugs on CONTACT”…..We are concerned that, if people start sprayng this stuff in their eyes, there are going to be unfavorable contraindications and bad side Affects…..Are you aware of these products and can you warn your hunerds of billions of readers not to be squirting RAID in their eyes until further testing is done?

.

From Ole Hughbert

.

Mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had no ideer that such claims were being made by bug killer chemical spray dispersion devices (BKCSDD’s)….!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

It seems to me that , if folks have bugs crawling around in their eyes, that perhaps, there are a number of serious factors in play that need to be addressed…..

.

Also, It would seem to me that the contacts should be removed from the occipital orbs and AT LEAST put on a table away from the face. BEFORE spraying with any bug spray applicationalerixation techniqqqqque of any kind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/

.

By the way, I personally have never had bugs crawling around in my eyes to the point of even CONSIDERING grabbing a can of RAID. (Though I did once have a double beaked sap sucker fly so close to my face that the wing tip struck me on the cornea.)

.

But I don’t really think that has anything to do with what has been brought up hear. I guess I mentioned it just cause I never had a chance to tell anyone. And it was such an awful experience that I want folks to understand my traumatizationalism and my need to be counseled and talked out of my fear of birds wingtips……I cant even get near WINGTIP shoes.

.

I really can’t………….Don’t querstion me on this stuff.




%d bloggers like this: