Archive for May, 2014

Harvey Tingglere’ from Ipslunk Iceland writes (in an absolute panic)…………Dear Hughy: The Doctor tells me I have “VERTTEE BRAYS” all up and down my back!………That sounds serious. Is a Verttee Braye similar to a chigger…..? And is that why my back is itching…..?e

 

From Hughy

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Dear Harv……….No. You rbac kisitch Ing beca useyou.  ‘ve got poison ivy from laying on your back raking leaves last Friday. I know you get tired easily……BUT PALEEEEEESE. At least use a yard chair……

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And may I reccccommmend having a pest control company spray for the Verttees……… It sounds serious…..Even though they don’t cause itching….

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Bill Dipperly from Dill Squirt Tennessee writes dear Hugh…Are there any LIVE possums or armadillos left on the face of the earth? .

Frist of all …Sorry Im late getting the post out this evening…..

I just got back from my first helicopter ride….!!!  I went to a doctor

this morning to get an xray of my neck where i FOOLISHLY fell off

the back of the stage at a show last week  …he came in and told me

i had a compression fracture of the C6 vertebrae…

and that I should hold my head still………

and the next thing I know,

Im on a med flight chopper to Hunstville hospital…..

BUT THEiR MORE EXTENSIVE TESTING showed that I do not have a

broken neck from the fall………YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Yaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy for that!!!

          >>But I digress>>>>>>>>

 

NOW BACK TO THIS

IMPORTANT

marsupial oriented inquiry

QUESTION

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Howdy Bill…… NO….not as far as we can tell.

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Since the internal combustion engine increased the mobility of the earlier invention called the WHEEL,……our marsupial friends have  suffered a serious setback.

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While it is conceivable that a few remain alive……It ain’t looking good for the little fellers……..Playing dead in front of a bear or coyote worked a lot better than playing dead in front  of a speeding truck………

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I do feel for the little rascals…….They got along fine for hunerds and hunerds of years………….except for an occccasssional run-in with a rock rolling off a hill…or some such thang.






Velma Turnblatt from Her cell on Alcatraz writes dear Hughy: Do you know much about Hibachis and Hibachi grilling? and, if you do….will you, FOR ONCE, keep it to yourself and not tell all of us about it…..? I am so weary of your endless prattle. I am Hughy. I really really am. By the way, when does your next book come out.?

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Hello out thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I hope Alcatrzisnottooconfining………………….Now…..Yes , I do know a grate deal about Hibatchis and Hibatchi grilling….

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The Hibatchi is a small Japanese rodent..(similar to the Japanese Koala bear) and is indigenous to south Carolina (and Three Wal-Mart parking lots in the state of Connecticut ) ……….

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Hunting season is short……and so is the Hibatchi…..

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The male Hibatchi stands about 4 inches tall and weighs 4 pounds and has 4 legs…..Now you know what its FOUR.

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Once the Hibatchis is properly prepped by properly preparing it…simply bake it at 700 degrees for five hours on a One half inch thick piece of depleted uranium.

Season to taste.



Randle Surslip from Julip Florida writes dear Hugh…My wife and I took in a newborn elephant because it needed a home. SURE !. It was easy enough to handle when it only weighed 263 pounds…..BUT NOW the rascal weighs EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX POUNDS. We have a problem. We love little Dinky a lot but we must house-train him soon. Do you have any pointers on housebreaking an elephant?

From Hughy

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Hello there ole pal………….I really dont see a problem here…..BUT , since you asked………………YES. I do know a great deal about this, since me and several of my closest fiends have had PACHYDERM PETS extensively.

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Elephants are easy to House Break. But It is also easy for them to Break Your HOUSE. Frequently the doors are too small on their first trip out.

After they break the walls down, it really isn’t an issue anymore. As the rebuilding starts….simply adjust the door size for your particular species….

Elephants do like treats. So WHEN THEY DO GOOD…..Get a ladder and pet em on the head and say goooooooooooooood pachyderm. Then give them their usuall treat of 40 pounds of ground eucalyptus bark.

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Stick with it….they are so much fun to snuggle with in your recliner while you watch Spatula commercials on QVC.


Filmore Gubbtern from Warshington D.C. writes dear Hugh: Your recent erudite, suave, insightful and marginally brilliant treatise on the background of Mona Lisa got our attention here at the New York Hoity Toity Abstract Sculpture Club. We were in awe of the keen sense of illbrimfication that you manifested and would like for you to give us any insights you have on the psychological ramifications and implications of the various stratoid brush stroke patterns used on the face of the Michaelangeline Sculpture often referred to as “Zamphir of Scurlle”…which is housed here at the Smith and Jonessonian Museum…where we meet every second Monday at 12.

From Hugh

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Lands Sakes a livin Fillmore…………!!!!!!!!!!!

You people are really

into details..

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That rambling inquiry-complement is

won of the most verbose and wordy

things I have ever scene……………

(With the exception of

commonly distribhughted

manuals on

how to assemble a swing set.)

But Yes I can shed some light on the question about the Michaelangeline Sculpture thingy you mentioned..

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However my brain is so tangled up from reading your post……….That i’ll do it by mail on Thursday of next week if you send me a self addressed post card….A BIG UN.

Fillmore Eppe from A cabin in North Alabama writes….Dear Hugh: There is an OWL sitting on a stump in my front yard…….hooting and hOWLING…and making high-pitched screaming racket in a staccato rhythmic tone almost as if he’s hollering about something important, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

FIRST of Awl…………I forgot to post yesterday….

It was due to my condition.

Often reffferrred to by experts as forgetfullness.

Oops.

 

From Mr. Hughy

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Well This one is very simple, compared to much of the difficult stuff

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that comes through to us here at the Service.

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He is simply exercising his FREEDOM of  SCREECH.

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Yes, I said it. Freedom of SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH. I take no responsibility for this behavior ……I plead not guilty..

Little for year old Twesme Yapper from his backyard swing in Peoria writes…Dear Hugh….: It is my understanding that Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. No mention is made of how winter went. I’m quite interested in his well being at other times of the year. Where can I go to make this important discoveries regarding the reclusive and gregarious egg man?

From Mr. Hugh

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Hey Twesme………….If you are four years old…..I am a rocket scientist. I suspect you are the same goofball that keeps sending in some of this mental mush expectorating me to take it seriously.

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It so happens , however, that I am quite knowledgeable on this Dumpty ordeal. Frankly, Humpty had a great fall because he got laid off at the Shell Station and drew unemployment for OCT.-DEC..in 1847……..Shortly thereafter he was recruited by a Ships Captain to run loads of Spatulas across the Suez Canal. BUT HE CHICKENED out………..and ended up running from all the kings horses and all the kings men. He could run…..but he couldnt hide.

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For the simple reason that …when you are an EGG…….Running around……..It catches peoples eye with regularity.

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