Archive for June, 2012

Crumpette Salisman from Ferlin North Dakota writes Dear Hugh……….Out here in North Dakota we have a lot of homes where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antelope play. But THERE ARE some DISCOURAGING WORDS Heard from time to time…..and the skies are cloudy a couple of daze a week. WHAT do you think about this apparent discrepancy as it relates to the song which makes assertions to the contrary????????????????

.

From Hughy

.

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!////////////////>>>>>>>>>>>>>??????

.

Are you telling me that the song I’ve ben singing all these years IS ERRONIEOUS….? (to say nothing of being in a difficult key to play on a banjo?????)…………..THIS IS NHUGHS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

But………..Clearly,………..You have know reason to bring this up and create chaos if it was a baseless claim. I believe you….First of all , I must say that a “home where the buffalo roam and the dear and the antelope play” has got to have a very large living room and a full time staff to clean up the mess. I had always wondered about the lyrical amalgamation …. “where never is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day” …..AND NOW I AM CRUSHED TO FIND THAT my suspiciouns have been validatelated.

/

The next thing I’m afraid I’m gonna find out is that Humpty Dumpty WAS , in fact,  put back together again…..and that it didnt take many people to do it.



THANKS FOR BUSTING MY BUBBLE

Jenny Lou Crowder from under a pile of Dough that slid off a Doughnut Supply truck during a rainstorm in Peoria Illinois writes Dearest Hughy……..How do I know where all the things that are VOID WHERE PROHIBITED can be used or purchased and where they cannot be used or purchased. Or maybe they can be purchased…… but NOT USED or Vice Versa…..Or….the other way around.?????…..?

.

From Hugh…

. Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll…..THIS IS A GRATE QUESTION…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

But first let me say that this answer is void where PROHIBITED. If you can determine where that is. AND YOU”D BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!

Because if you get caught reading this answer or using it IN THE WRONG PLACE. YOU are in Bigg twubble.

.

Many people over the years have been incarcerateded for doing things that were simply PROHIBITED. IT IS EVEN WORSE….If they are VOID aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…..PROHIBITED.

.

There is know tellin what could happent oooo a feller for such an infarction…….So be careful. Most things that are in this category are void and Prohitibed in any city or state that starts with a  “P”. Its as simple as that.

  .

Now you no.



Claudette Benard from behind a stack of overdue liberry books writes…..Dear Hugh…..I’m hiding behind a stack of overdue liberry books. Shuddering with remorse. Cringeing with fear. Hesitant with trepidation….(but still re-reading the forward to “War and Peace”)…..the question I have for you is this……..Since the books are only 4 hours overdue,…Why am I so riddled with fearish emotions….?

.

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll……………………..I’m not really sure.,,,,,,,,,,,but then again……………..

.

It could be that , in your childhood you were SHUSSHED by an overzealous liberrian at the school wheres you attended. SOME of these “BOOK PATROLMEN/Women” have even been known to WHACK an unsuspecting and helpless youth with a ruler. YES>!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the hughmanity of it all….!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

I personally dared to speak a word at low low volume in the friction section of the SaniFlush A&M Main Liberry…..and was summarily sentenced to polish the left arm of the Albert Eisentein Statue in the lobby. (The rest of the statue was stolen two months earlier).

.

The risks of entering a liberry are quite high….and the volume of speaking is quite low…….So be careful in there. Many liberrians are now moving about incog neato……and can SHUSH WITHOUT WARNING. Be very careful now that they are operating on the sly.

.

But, Learning is important. And liberries were once very useful…..This was especially true before Hugh’s Answering Service came along. Now, of course, with millions of quick emailed questions to the Service,…………….The average liberry is unnecccccessssary and,,,…….. thusly, ……….COMPLETELY OBSOLETE.




>

Patty Flack from Sitaspelle Tennessee writes in today……Dearest Mr Banks: I have a frog in my office asking for me to lend him 1500$ in cash. I asked him if he had any collateral …..He showed me some crazy little odd-looking item in his hand/foot…………….But I don’t know what it is or what it’s worth…..I am sending you a picture. Give it a look and let me know what to do. Will you?

.

Yes…..I will…………..Yes I did…………I looked . I assessed. I am replying…..IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT YOU BARELY DID GET A QUESTION IN BEFORE YOU SIGNED OFF…………………….

.

Now…………….Frog’s have long been known to apply for loans with basically nothing to protect you if they croak. ….or simply default.

Such is not the case hear. This Frog is clearly prepared to deal.

.

So go ahead and jump into the equation. I have assessed the value of this item……It is valued by Standard and Poors at the nominal sum of 2750 SMACKERS. …Due to the Fact that it is a knick knack that was owned by the Queen of England during the rain of Czar Isabell III in 1623..

,

The simple diagnosis is this………It’s a Knick Knack Patty Flack,……Give the Frog a Loan.

.

Yes,,,,,,,,,,,You are correct…..I have heard that basic joke somewhere……If I knew where I first heard it …I would give credit …..But It is not original with me……..IT”S A GOOD UN ….And I had to tell it……!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Wendy Wanda Wellington fromme Upsulch Germany rights dear Hugh……Whether I get up at 2 A.M. or 9 A.M…there are ants crawing around in the sink. SOoooooo my question to you is very simple….DO ANTS EVER SLEEP?

.

From Hugh

.

Oh paleeeeeeeese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get this question one mower time I think I am going to scream.

.

Listen Wendy……..I know where you are coming from……I have an aunt that , for whatever reason, gets in the sink and crawls around in the middle of the night.  I have seen her do the same thing (as you mentioned) at 9:00 in the morning. I don’t think she ever sleeps. HOWEVER, Due to the fact that she lives 10 months out of the year in the Netherlands,…. I AM NOT CERTAIN OF IT……I repeat, I am NOT ABSOLUTELY sure. Soooooooooooooo do not use this as a definitve response that will end up in textbooks or on Wikipedia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

The real question is why you and I both have family members that are up crawling around in the kitchen sink at ALL OURS of the KNIGHT.

What on earth is transpiring in their minds????????????????????? I am used to some perty unusual things, but THAT even seems odd TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Let’s see if we can get them some hep.

.

I’ve got a SINKIN feeling that it’s a hopeless cases.




Wendy Braggern from Upstart Ridge Tennesseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee writes in today…….I was watching the news and saw some information from UN NAMED sources….That seemed odd. How many people are there…. out there….Who don’t have names?…..And why do they seem to know so much….?

.

From Hugh

.

Well Windy…………As it turns out , there re a good number of folks whom simply never get NAMED. I suppose that their parents simply forget to do it.

.

I’m not sure how that happens. When my children were born,…..I kinda figgered that NAMING em was sumpthin I aught to get around to doin fairly quick. But I reckon some folks just don’t prioritizerize it. Then, once a feller is in the habit of not havin a name,….by the time you’re twenty five or so,……I’m guessin you just get used to it and move on with your life.

.

It does seem odd that so many un named people seem to know secret information. It seems dissapreportionate. > (and ODD …like I already said at an earlier time before now.).

.

Let this be a lesson to u Windy……NAME YOUR CHILDREN……………NOW…………before it’s two layte. May I suggest “Hugh” or “Hughbert” for a boy or “Hughrietta” or Hughina for a girl…..?.

.

Yes I may. I just did.

Sedric Woods from Silicone Valley California writes Dear Hugh: I have developed a new microchip that will let my new laptop design be so small that no one can read it. It will be so handy. You can carry it in your wallet. The screen is 1 inch by 1.5 inches…..Colors are TERRIFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!……It sounds like a FULL SIZED PANASONIC 15″ Subwooffer on any audio application…..Would you like to buy one …at the nominal cost of 1500?

.

Howdy from Hughy

.

What’s happnin Sedric???????? Sounds like you are really on to something…….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

My wife has a very small laptop with a 9″ inch screen…..and I can barely read it. …!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited to think about won with an EVEN SMALLER SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’s a DREAM COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Intense squinting is something that has been studied expensively by the exspurts and found to increase optimum optical health in maximum ways. It will also hep folks avoid headaches.

.

The thing Im most intereseted in is the PRICE……………Investing 1500 smackers in somethng half as large as a credit card is gonna go over big. Even if it is small.

.

Folks will also love the keyboard that has to be operated with the point of a needle. But WE GET THE POINT…………….SAVING SPACE!!!!


%d bloggers like this: