Archive for April, 2012

Swiffer Wipely from an island deep in the heart of Africas Amazon basin….writes dear Hugh: I am isolated..(and alone)…I am on an uninhibited island…I’m delirious. So I thought I’d write to you. I have no means of communication. No Power. No Cable. No Internet. How did I get this message to you? and… What is my question?

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From Hugh

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I’ll tell you how. You put a bottle in a message and cast it out upon the waters in the disparate hope that somehow. somewhere, sometime, and in some place someone would find some part of your message and get it to me.

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Fortunately for you,,,….the island you are on is in the middle of the jet stream and the bottle took a straight shot to the lake near my house.

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Now…..Your question is this……..What is the definition…. of an Atoll…???????.

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Atoll is what you pay to cross a bridge. It’s that simple.




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Ingrid Wadslap from Tinker Town Tennesseessee writes dear Hugh: I have a problem with my xyphoid process. I knew that you would know what to do. That’s why I wrote in about my xyphoid process. What now?

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From Hugh

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Well….we all have computer problems from thyme to thyme.

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The XYPHOID PROCESS is a problem that Bill Gates and the crew have had trouble with ever since the started having problems with it way back when. This partricular operational systemic contibulation can and has been successfully readjusted and adjudicated with some degree of  ardisilure and decorim.

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Or you can simply hit control …alt and delete simultaneously. And then replace the motherboard.



Coffee Wheezer from Rat Gulch North Carolina writes Dear Hugh: So glad you’re back at the helm after that couple of days with the GRATUITIOUS INTERLOPER… “LuLu” or “ERMA” or whatever her name was….Look Hughy, My question is simple I am looking for a weigh to explain how my 14 year old Bassett Hound has developed the ability to Walk a Tightrope while Barking in Rythym to “Back Home Again” by John Denver. What has happened here?

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From Hugh

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It’s very simple………………..Here’s what we know. Berford is an OLD DOG……This CANNOT BE a NEW TRICK. We know this.

That is an absolute.

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So we are left with only Two Possible contusions. ONE ::: This is a trick he has been doing behind your back for years. YOU ARE JUST NOW AWARE OF IT……and TWO…You’ve counted his age wrong.

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This kind of stuff is easy. I used very few brain cells figguring this out. Let’s try to get into some more complex stuff.





UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From Hugh……..This is HUGH…Yes Hugh….I have regained control of the H.A.S. industrial complex and labyrinth of offices. Using only an old green sock, a piece of dried asparagus and used no.2 pencil,…I was able to pry open the cell door in my place of sequesterment. I am now free and BACK to HELP THE WORLD answer unanswered questions that people are asking. This question comes pouring in today from Ellwood Turnblatte of Peoria Illinois….What is Pediatric Podiatrics.?

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From Hughy

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Howdy Ellwood………………….Pediatric Podiatrics. This is a very very narrow field of medicine that has long been overlooked. The word “Pediatric” refers to FEET. The word “Podiatric” refers to Medicine for CHILDREN.

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Thusly, we have the combination of the two being simply this…….Doctoring Kids Feet………………. It’s that simple. NOW…………………………..Kids don’t usually have too much trouble with their feet for the simple reason that they ain’t been using em for very long.

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Generally Pediatric Podiatrists go out of business fairly quickly….and have to begin to accept older patients that have had time to wear their feet out. Podiatrists will WALK ALL OVER YOU if you aint careful. They have also been known to call a TOE TRUCK if things get bad enough out on the ends of your feet.

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OH I MUST BE STOPPED…..But not before it’s too late.

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It’s too late already.



Dresden Giorigio from Slouch Tennessee writes dear Edna: I am writing on behalf of all of the Billions of fans of H.A.S. with HUGH at the helm. Not You. The very idea of Edna’s Answering Service Upsets us. While it is true that Hugh has know idea what he is talking about on nearly every subject, he is still a goofball and contributes to confusion in our lives like no one else I’ve ever known. Actually, the more I think about it,…Why don’t you stick with it a while Edna, and see if you can help us ?

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From Edna

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Dont worry………Ole Hughy is not coming back any time soon…………….Good to see you coming to your sinces.

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Now down to business………….This question came pouring in today and I must deal with it….

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Dear EDNA…..What is a “Redaction”?

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from Edna…A “redaction” is a swelling of the subliminal layer of the epidermis …..often resembling acne or major bruising. Redactions are most successssfully treated by using a black permanent marker to scribble over the sore place…so that no one will know what is there.

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Yo urewel come


Hugh formerly the CEO from Hugh’s Answering Service writes: Hey Edna…..How’s it Going since you took my answering service out of my competent hands and upsurped authority and began to wield power with your iron fist…?

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From the new Answerer Edna…

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Howdy Hughy.. old buddy …old pallllllllllllllllllll…………………….

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Things are going just fine.  I am comfortably enschonced in your Camel Leather “Head Honcho Chair” chewing sugar free gum and answering questions with ease. No problems whatsoever…..Except for the fact that your old computer sprung a leak over night and now I have thousands of emails leaked out all over the floor…..

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I am being weighted on hand and foot by servile minions and oafs…….who attend to my every whim…

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Thousands of letters are pouring in stating how relieved people are to have you gone.  I have doubled the guard at your point of incarceration so as to insure your sequesterment status…..

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But one thing i need to know Hughy,,,,…is the password to the H.A.S. mainframe desktop computer. Will you tell it to me mr. Hughy……???????


The H.A.S. Official Office and Advice Complex has been over run by a group of Nerd Watchers. I have lost complete control to Edna Balboa….I am now plotting to regain power…..The world awaits the developments.

From Hugh::::::

While Edna has control of the site, I Will be unable to………djdjghgh;;;;;{{]triritrgthxbcv,cvnhlfddasjhftlerg

‘sjsjfhggksdjfweirwqeeyqtwsudysdgotyptyojodhakshdgajshfsdlfkjsvvv

ALERT!!!!!   ….THIS IS EDNA…I REPEAT …THIS IS EDNA……..I AM NOW WEILDING Complete control of all question answering and medical advice. Hugh is out of the picture…..He is now doing flower arrangements for a gas station in Philidelphia.

I’ve wanted to take over ever since people began to realize that Hugh was a fraud and a Wantabee Answering Service Mogul..whom is completely unqualifried for such an important tastk.

The world is safer now. And you all know it. Hugh is sequestered in a safe place far far away from all electronic access to electronic blog posting devices. His carreer is over and done with. We have posted a guard  too  make sure he never escapses.

Look forward to being able to trust what you read on here ….for once.

Thank you so much …………………..EDNA




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