Archive for June, 2014

Radcliff Thurgood Weatherly III…..from a cabin in East Tennessee writes dear Hughy: I have heard that you are a mathmatecalistic whiz-type…along with being suave and slophlisticated and all………I have a question…”What is the Pythagorean Theorum”….? and WHOM was Pythagorus?

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From Hugh

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Howdy Rad………Your knot foolin me. Nobody with a name like Radcliff  Thurgood Weatherly III lives in a cabin in east Tennessee.

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NOW…………Pythagorus was the second daughter of a guy named Edwin………back in 1934 in Peoria Illinoise.  She was always concocting some theroid , or postulization, or rambling diatribe about something in order to get out of cooking for her family while her mommy was sick and her daddy was gone afishin.

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By sheer chance one day she came up with a formhughla that became famous….so it was named after her…….Although, to this day, no one knows what it’s for or about…….or any practical applicationalizationarianism of it……

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Some mathemeticians use the term frequently in a feebl attempt to impress there cawlleeegs.



Worthington Schlepply from Linguirstershireshire France writes….dear Hughdeaux: I am concerned that I have not gotten a good grasp of the proper conjugation of the word “TEXT”……What, indeed, ole Chap, is the passed tents of the noun “text”??????? .

 

From Hughdeaux

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Well Worth ole buddy ole pal………………….You are at the write place four linguistical quandaries.

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As is the case with most nowns……The proper conjugationalism is indeed a challenge. And yet, we hear at H.A.S. handle this with the grace of a gazelle bounding across the open tundra (or nearest mall parking lot)…………….

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The  standard linguistic pattern of proper English usage is as follows………I text. ……..I will text……I did text……I would text….I shall have text…..I should have text……I might have texted….I know I did texted…..

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You know i texted…..She knew you would have texted if you hadnt run out of data on your plan, He couldnt have text because he was in a dead zone.

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They text…We text….We all shall have texted…….and it will continue to cost a substantial amount per month to have texted.



Fred S. Tare from Less Vegas writes dear Hugh: What is the square root of TWO……..?

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From Hughy

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Well Fred……..I’m not gonna dance around the question…

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The Square root of two…… is the number which, when multiplied by itself……yields the sum of 1 plus 1……………..So there.

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This stuff is not as hard as you think………..


Famotidin A. Cetycilic from Compounde’ Italy writes dear Hugh: I passed a drug store today that had a sign out front saying…”WE HAVE Resverperatatrine HCL”!!!!!!…….I thought it was nice of them to let folks know they are sick….so we wont catch it… I had Resverperatatrine HCL when i was eight years old and was very sick …..As I recall “RES” as we called it, was perty contagious…..but I thought it had ben eradicaterized by shots and stuff….Why knot….? .

From Hughy…;

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Howdy Famotidin………….Yes…It was quite considerate of them to post that on the sign to keep you from coming in and catching it…….As you know, Resverperatatrine HCL is a tough mucous-inducing biotribleen virutide…..often masquerading as gout or dephlibineeblia. Contraindications include various indications that are contrary to what they were before…and you MUST use them only as directed.,…(if you use them at all.)

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I any case, you certainly don’t want to catch it…….SO..STAY OUT OF THAT DRUGSTORE …until they take the notice down and give the ALL CLEAR.



Earline Quigley……from Down under….Writes Dear Hugh: Yesterday I was so utterly impressed by your erudite and suave approach to the man who wanted to buy a used mop…..I can’t tell you how much we appreciate you being there for the massess who seek guidance and insight into everyday dilemmas such as this…..Just knowing you are out there somewhere ready to help (without regard for your personal safety)….Constantly vigilant with regard to obscure trends in stuff that nobody cares about….We here in Austria appreciate it sew much!!!!!!!!!!

 

From Hughy

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Hi Earline….DOWN UNDER!!!!!!!!!!!….Its good to hear from Austria…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……………Ya’ll are a mighty big island. Do you ever feel surrounded…?

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Your gratitude touches me deeply…….I think I feel it somewhere in or around my gall bladder…..(Though its hard for me to say with any degree of certitude due to my marginal understanding of internal anatalmy)……..

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Think nothing of it Erma……I pay close attention to stuff that doesnt matter….as a public service. Dont thank me. It only makes me feel inadequate and ulblandian.




Tilly Yadler from Range Arizona……writes dear Hugh: Me and My cousin Edna drove from Flagstaff to Mucsle Shoals Alabama to watch a band play at a restaurant….We reserved a table for 6. We got there on time and they had the table ready. …..but there were no chairs. We were very grateful to have a place to sit our plates on the table but got tired after standing for 1 hr and forty five minutes……Is this normal in Alabama….?

 

From Hughy

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Yes Tilly,……I Alabama when you reserve a table…..You must specifically request that the chairs are reserved also. Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…..All you asked for was a TABLE..

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Simply say to the MATRADEEEEEEE………….I want to reserve a TABLE FOR SIX……AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNND…….SIX CHAIRS…..How hard can that be…….? Get with it out there in ARIZONIA.



Sylvia Scrunch from Giblet Twist Tennessee writes………..dear Hugh: I was just sitting out on the porch listening to my next door neighbor singing while he polishes his mothers old TUBA in the driveway. It seems to make him so happy to scrub and shine that wonderful ole thing…..I’m thinking about buying me one. Should I buy me one?

 

From Hughy

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Well………………

TUBAs are dear to my heart

because I was raised directly

next to and beside a used

Tuba Factory….

(where they also did discount

automotive brake repair)…

But the memories are

indeed some of the ones

I remember…….

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When I hear a low

EFLAT blown through a

fine old TUBA…

It brings tears to my eyes…..

And to nearly everyone that hears it……

Its emotional for all concerned……

.

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for various reasons……….

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Should you buy one….?………….

No………………..

You should buy TWO.

A matching set and

share one with your

wife or motherinlaw…..

Whichever one really

really wants one

the most………

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