Archive for February, 2014

Elmo Thurgood from Keenswitch Sascatchyouwon writes: Dear Hugh ….What is a Syllabus?

From Hugh

A fhugh weeks ago you informed

us on the issue of

annotated bibliographies,

…I finally had mine

surgically removed….

but have now developed a

“syllabus” ..

.

It is swollen and very painful…..

What treatment do you

recommend?

From the desk of Hugh,

Yes Elmo, this is not uncommon

and not unlike or similar to things

like this that happen because of

other stuff and treatments that

become necessary when related

but non-identical manifestations

present themselves for observation……..

Aunt Bertha

.

The syllabus, while aggravating,

is knot a major problem.

But no won should allow them to go

untreated,

IN THIS DAY AND TIME.

Simply submerge the syllabusianized

region of the body in a mixture of two parts

prune juice and two parts Sauer Kraut.

Soak for two days. Scrape off

residhugh and repeat till all

swelling subsides.

Typically , fore two twelve rounds

of this regimin will change thangs.

Fonics 2

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Radcliff Muffinslinger from Peoria writes dear Hughbert: I forgot how to ride a bicycle. Now what?

From the desk of Hugh:

What? What? what what what?

.

Hear at H.A.S. we have scene many

many bizarre AND unusual

questions cross our deskez.

This is indeed won of the strangest

that we have ever with dealt.

(couldn’t end on a preposition)…..

On this occasion, I am forced to admit  that I feel utterly inadequate.

(I’ve been ut

terly inadequate on many issues

but wasnt forced to admit it)…..

Now…………………..

whence was I…………………….?

Oh yes,……For the definitive answer to your question

“Now what?” ,…I have turned to my good fiend and mentor Filbert P. Snodgrass III….

Who is a Rogues Scholar and world

Champion Punkin Chunker.

It turns out that Filbert released a

treatise on this very subject in

April of 1983.

It was entitled …………………..

”Now Waat? and Other Nebulous Queries”

…………..

Inn his dissertation hee addresses this

very issue ov

FORGETTING HOWE TWO RIDE A BICYCLE…!!!!!!

h2

.

 

He first notes that this is knot nearly as uncommon as was wonce thought. In fact, Nine owt of tin dentists surveyed have forgotten how to ride bikes….And recommend it to their patients whoooom have bikes.

.

Its easy to relearn……Simply jump on one and take off…….After you have struck several solid objects….You will begin to rerecognize the importance of balance and braking , steering and other crucial factors. I think it will hit you perty quick.

wpid-Possum-on-head-with-Cheese.jpg

Methel Scrubwad from Heppmee Florida writes dear Hugh: I heard that you criticizerized the use of mops and the practice of mopping,,,……claiming that it is non-effecatious. Why?

I didnt say it wasn’t effecatious ….

I said it wasnt effective…

Therein lyes the differnce…………

Are you kidding me.???????

M O P P I N stands for

Moving Our Particles

Partially and INeffectively.

 

The goal of mopping is knot to

remove dirt……

but ,rather to even out the dirt

(rendering it less noticable).

As we know….the solid part

of the outer crust of the earth is made largely of dirt-like substii.

Dirt is your friend.

____________

Rhino

The RHINO IS BAAAAAACKKKKK..
We should have sprayed for em again.___________________

Now that I brought that up, lets get back to the discussion of mopping.

______________________……………………………….

As far as I no, good clean dirt is not dangerous. Many plants and animals have been known to actually thrive in consistent contact with it.

Many of the inhabitants of our

terrestrial orb (prior to Linoleum)

lived on dirt floors……

How do you mop a dirt floor?…..and once you figger it out…, What are you seeking to remove? and how deep do you want to go? Before long you’ll be living in the basement.

You’re welcome.

wpid-IMG953319-1.jpg

Elrod Smittlard from Gizzard Crunch Kentucky writes dear Hugh: I was at a McDonalds in Salzburg last weekend…when I looked up and saw a guy that reminded you of me!……Who was it?

From oLE HUGHBERT

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN>>>

WHOm WAS IT?

What are you talking about Elrod?….

The whole thing doesn’t…make any cents.

I dont get it. aND i DONT GET IT LARGElY becau

se it is absurd.

(absurdity is something with which I have had little experience)

.

How can I run a brilliant,

insightful and

informativeistic

Answering Service

with this kind of

ublistical and

glindibian drivel

pooping up every time

Itu rnar ound?…

Deep end

.

wHY Cant I get any good questions from explorers seeking to identifry a long extinct species….or something else Im An expert on such as grammer and split infinitives…?????? And stuff.

Here I sit with all this here knowhow and nowheres to go with it today….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Today is Monday…..(as far as we know…) but the question is…..HOW do we know? And little Bunky Snodgrass wants to know for sure because he has a paper due on Tuesday…..

From Hughy

.

Howdy Bunky…

Im glad to know you have gotten

out of reform school long enough

to write another note….

.

In answer to your question….

The way that we know that it is

Monday

is by the

Interstellar Grenich Mean Time

Adjustment Garboile Theorum

postulated by A cat named

Tony Mellman in 1892….and confirmed by

his Aunt Willodean in 1893.

.

It is what it is…

Now quit sending me these rhetorical

inquiries.

bb

Feldder Craddly from Yapp Montana writes…..dearest Hughy, What, in your opinion is the most valuable thing about reading the daily mediocrity that illucidates and emanates from Hughs Answering (Lack of) Service?

…..

From Hughy

Wellllllllllllllllllllll……

One of the things that is

for sure is that if you read

the posts,

IT MEANS YOUR EYES

are working

at least to some minimal

extent….

.

This is very very good….

Simply consider it an

EYE test….

.

If you cant read it easily …

the

Problem could be

Headquarters 1

one or more of

two or more things….

such as

If the letters look

cloudy…

it could be that

1….you are developing cataracts

Or

2.

You could be sitting on a

river bank in a heavy fog.

There is much to consider…

But for any more considering

youll need to send me

12.95 plus tacks.

Buy the weigh, Do river Banks have to be

members of the FDIC????

wpid-IMAG0536.jpg

“Tennessee Bernie” Forde writes from the Hauls of Academia at Haaaavaard Hughniversity: Hey Hughy, What is taxidermy? and Why?…also How? and Where…(to say nothing of “When?”)

  • Howdy up there at

    Haaaaaaaaaaaavaaaad!

  •  

    I dont guess they do a lot of

    taxidermitizing up there.

    Pardon me for typing slowly….

    I feel stuffed…………

    …………………………………

    Now, to your question:

    What is Taxidermy?

    It is …simply this…

    HAVING CABS TATOOED ALL

    OVER

    YOUR Skin!!!!!……………

    …………..

    (I must be stopped.

    Soon. Even I can’t believe I just said that.

    But while I’m at it,

    dachshund on stilts - Copy

    Taxidermy could also be

    Stuffing a CAB full of

    styrofoam, putting fake

    headlights in it..and

    hangin it on the wall

    with the hood up…………

    Somebody stop me

    befour its two layte.

    Buggy kid

  • Ole Hughy Banks
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