Archive for July, 2012

Wadsworth Pennintonne’ (heir to the Toothpick Fortune)….Stops picking his teeth long enough to write this question….Dear Hugh: I have plenty of money , but, I have heard that money can be made doing what is called “FLIPPING” Houses…..Is this true.?

.

From Hugh…

.

Well Waddy ole boy,……….Fortunately four you, I am up on this stuff.

.

I’ve bin involved in FLIPPING houses. And , right away,….after the first flip………I sensed that I was making a big mess. The roof of your average dwelling was never intended to support the full weight of the house. That is what the traditional foundation is for.

.

While adhering to the status quo has always been a challenge for me, IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE,….I am going to reccccommmmend that people not flip their houses just to try to be different and create tourist revenue by selling tours of homes that are inverted.

.

Just walking on the ceiling creates another issue that must be with dealt….(couldnt end on a preposition)

.

While it is true that in the present economy , some people are UPSIDE DOWN in their real estate holdings, I see no knead to reccccommmmend that others try it. Turning a house OVER is a job. If you don’t believe me, just ask me again…..



42 year old Bobby Trashly from Dumppers Creek Kentucky writes dear Mr. Hugh …I am not absolutely certain, but I think I spotted the dreaded Triple-Beaked Downy Thrush Woodpecker in my back yard this morning. This could explain why houses in the neighborhood are turning into piles of sawdust overnight….Is this even possible Mr. Hughy..?

.

From Hugh

.

Finally somebody calling me MR. At long last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

But that may not last long.

.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! It’s possible.. I can’t bellieve the dreaded triple-beaked bird has returned to the seen.

.

I thought this thing had been extinct for 7 0r ate months now. AND HERE IT IS AGAIN. There is only one thing to do to prevent this formerly ubiquitous member of the Audobon Family from becoming ubiquitous again. It’s probably the only one left.

.

Be very careful……Verrrrrrrrrrrrrry careful……Take slow aim. Pull the hammer back. And then throw the gun away because you and I both know your mommy wont let you have any bullets. Now, rush headlong into the back yard and seek to grasp the thing by the hind leg. And put it in a paper sack.(eco-friendly)…….Then stick it in the fridge till the birdwatching folks come get it.

.

While you are in the fridge,….get me a popsciclical and mail it to me postage paid.



Gerald Lincoln (Abe’s Great great great great great great nephhugh) writes Dear Hughy…..I have enjoyed your recent posts where dogs were writing in to H.A.S….Look Hughy, I’ve got a Schnauzer that Purrs when he sleeps. When I scratch his tummy ,…he purrs……When I feed him his favorite food,…He purrs….LIKE A FELINE. What on earth is happening here…?t

.

From Ole Hughy

.

Well Gerald……………..Apparently ,….This is indeed a source of consternation for you…(.And you can only imagine how embarrassing it is for the dog.)

.

I have encountered this anomaly on a couple of other anomalous occcasssionns. In both cases the dogs were much larger and had recently swallered small mammals.

.

In this particulate case,…there is only one weigh to find out what the real deal is…

.

I’m gonna have to run a CAT SCAN……….

Yes…….I said….Im gonna have to run a CAT SCAN. I must be stopped. (But its already waaaaay too late.)



Delbert Hasselton from Giblet Crunch Wyoming writes dear Hugh….I always wanted to dance but I’m 58.3 years old…And I’m afraid I’ll get hurt if I attempt to “Get Down”.Could you invent a dance move that would be safe for folks in my age bracket and even older than me? Will you Hughy? Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll,………..Will you?

.

From Mr. Hugh

.

Yes. Yes. Yes……………….In fact I already have.

.

Over the years you have probably heard of the Slow dance…………..But I have devised two new ones. The first is the VERY VERY SLOW DANCE wherein the participant simply stands on the dance floor and chews gum or small fruit bits…and moves ONE arm (just barely).

.

The Second technique, ..about which I am the most excited,……is the Stop Dance. In this particular “groove”,…..You simply get out of your chair to head for the dance floor….but STOP and just stand there wondering  “what on earth you were thinking” in the first place.

.

If you just continue to stand there……You can kinda feel a part of the action,…..but yet experience no real risk of throwin out a shoulder or hip joint.

.

This margin of safety is crucial at and above your age. I’m thankful you turned to us here at H.A.S. for the solution to this troublesome issue.

.

Remember……..the “Stop Dance”…..is actually the way to go. Have fun.

.



Timmy Takamine from Walrus Ridge Alaska….writes dear Hughyyyyyyyyyyyyy…..I just saw an IGLOO Cooler on Ebay….IT was cheap. AND,.. NO WONDER..!!!!!! They ain’t gonna be able to sell those things for much at all. Our igloos are freezing cold up here as it is. Why on earth would we ant em to be any cooler?

….

.

From Hugh

.

I’m with you Timmy. I said when I first heard somebody talking about an Igloo Cooler, that it would be like trying to sell an air conditioner to an Eskimo.

.

Look ole pal….. Sometimes our manufacturing sector in this country comes up with some “great Ideas that just won’t sell.

.

Why don’t they invest their time , effort, and research money into some kind of an item that will keep food cold on a hot day at a picnic or sumthin,???…..They should have already done it. I needed somethinn like that last week when my Cousin ELROY came over to stay for a couple of years.



A short tailed Basseett Hound named “Martha” from Padhughca Kentucky writes Dear Hugh….What is the substantive difference between Commonly obtainable Canned Dog Food and…….. Hot dogs or bologna that are clearly intended for hughman consumption?.

From Hugh>

.

Well Martha…………………………..The major difference is………………………………..

.

Wait a minute………………..

,

Let me do a little last minute research………………..

.

Well Martha…………….as best I can tell………They are both made out of stuff that is leftover from other stuff that is made out of the rest of the stuff……HOWEVER…..the Seasoning is very different….AND THEREIN lies the substantive divergence.

.

Im not sure how good your English is Martha…..Some dogs dont know words over two syllablels…..so the phraseology, “substantive divergence” may be less than ideal in this particulate case. BUT get somebody to explain it to you……I aint got time to redo it.



bassett hound Pictures, Images and Photos

Wanda Biggersmall from Chattanooooooooooga Teenneessee writes…..Dear Hugh: If every crook and shyster and profoundly unwise individual whom lacks common sense,…. was removed from Washington D.C. How many folks would be left?

.

From Ole Hughy………….

,

Well…………..there would be lots of folks left in the world at large…………….But the population of that particular city would definitely shrink at a larger percentage than the average geographic area chosen at random.

.

Theire r apparently certain geocentric anomalies that absorb and remuve comonn scents….

.

I wunce new a guy that just drove through the place and AND WENT HOME AND SOLD A  NEW CADILLAC to a dental hygienist for 27 dollars. Then he tried for two days to throw away a boomerang. That city simply sucks the common sense out of folks.

.

I’m guessing that it is something similar to the Bermhughda triangle…….Except, instead of causing plains and ships to dissappear…The ground under Warshington DC causes COMMON CENTS to dissappear.

.

I need to run some aeroclendial microklamdic ground penetrating RADAR studies to comfirm my preconcetpion.

washington dc Pictures, Images and Photos


%d bloggers like this: