Archive for December, 2012

Little Bunky Snodgrass from under his mom’s sewing table (where he is hiding from his two big sisters that are trying to get him to carry out the garbage)…….grabs his Macbook Air and quickly types…. Dear Mr. Hughy… I know I wasnt supposed to write in again this year….and that I’m on probation at H.A.S. for asking two mini querstions already…. but I want to ask one mower thing before the year is up….. What advice do you have for me and all your readers on this New Years Eve…..? And are you going to wish all of us a Happy HUGH Year….?

….

Well Bunkster….

HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THE

SCREENING PROCESS AGAIN??????

You’ve been on probation here for two months for

being an “extreme question asker”.

.

And why don’t ewe get owt from under that table and go

take out thee garbage like you’re suppozed two?

And then go studee youre FONICS book.

.

As far as advice that I’d like to give you and

both of my other readers……..

there are a few things……

ONE…. If you go to the trouble of leading a

horse to water….

THEN Figure out a way to make him drink,

I dont want to hear any mower about this

“can’t make him drink” business.

.

Two,  Never Marry a “Binge Flosser”……

If you marry somebody who doesn’t know

when to stop flossing….

Before you know it,

they’ll be flossing YOUR teeth

and the dogs teeth

and the neighbors teeth…

And ther’s know stoppin em.

.

And Three………..

Never try to teach a duck to quack

in rhythm to rap music.

It wears out their bill joints.

Its complicated enough for humans that try it….

….. and it generally makes duck very nervous.

And nervous ducks tend to swim in circles…..

Which ain’t good for em.

.

Thank you so much to all of you who read this blog …

Perhaps in the hopes that it will

occccaissionally bring a smile on a day

where one would come in handy……

Or perhaps to follow the gradual process

of a mind going…. going…. going,,,….

goin……. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

….

I do hope you find it to be a short moment of

distractionism from the daze troubles…..

….And I do Wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

/

as does the official HOUND OF H.A.S. …….JASPER THE DACHSHUND

RUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF RUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

.

Goolsby Wendell Slusher III from Harry’s Mill in Bald Knob County, Ohio writes in today to ask me something very dear to his heart……. Dearest Mr. Hugh… The United States is nearing what is being called a “fiscal cliff”……What does this mean, and why can’t they fix it?

.

Howdy from old Money Policy Hughy

.

You’ve come to the write place….for this kind of stuff!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I have over 40$ saved up….And I intend to invest it in UTILITIES.

Now…………the “fiscal cliff” is a pair of words that mean…..

WE IS RUNNIN OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES MONEY.

As Margaret Thatcher once said…..

Well, I cant remember what it was she said…..

But. …It was really good, If I think of it …I’ll let you know…..

.

Runnin out of your own money is bad enough…

….BUT, when you run out of other peoples money,

Its a real ordeal….

Kinda like falling off a cliff……..

Or trying to impress the importance of personal

hygeeeeeeene on a hippopotomoose

.

.

The reason they can’t fix it….

Is largely due to the fact that

“THEY” are many of the same people

whom have been driving the car toward

the cliff in the

first place……….

.

It’s kinda like expectorating the canine

that tore up the newspaper to have the ability

to put it back together..

…..

Or expecting a youngun who aint potty trained……

to be potty trained .

A feller might…………might , possibly regret the results

and eventually wonder what on earf,……happened to common cents.

.

But one thing is for certain…………….

Margaret Thatcher said something about this…

And I cant remember what it was.

Maybe she’ll say it again.

Buy the Weigh, ….If you was goin to get your pitcher took to be on a hunerd dallor bill for hunderds of years………Would you have worn this outfit?

Shelva Quigley from Upper Manitoba Canada steps out of an igloo and into her Suburban SUV (which has been warming up for 25 minutes) and writes…Dear Hugh…. is it true that “soup tastes better when you SLURP”?

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From Sipper Hughy…..

.

Howdy Shevla……….. Hope you’re not frozen

solid up there in wherever it is that you

said you was

at.

.

Of course , when I consume liquidifed sustenance

,……….. I personally like to GARGLE.

I once Gargle a beef stew in a fancy eatery

in the South Of Spain……(along the coast).

I was arrested for disturbing the piece.

Although they never told me what

piece was disturbed.

All the pieces looked fine to me.

.

But Yes,……. Slurping activates the

Atrimniod Anterior Tastebudlinium

.

And THUSLY, contributes to

enhanced sensoryilimical

centsations.

.

Trust me on this stuff. At least until you get a

TASTE of what it can do for your life.

 

Mary Eilleen Quartly from Westchestershire Farms in Bedfordshibbe New England …crawls out from under a blueberry bush and writes Dear Hughy…….. During this happy holiday season could you tell us at least one of the many heroic and selfless deeds of sheer valor and personal determination with no regard for your personal safety that you have undertaked to save your fellow man over the years? These things are the stuff of legend, and yet , you never speak of them… Ist it really true that you were deeply involved in saving the the Big Bald Wolf from the Two Little SWINE?..in that memorable story?

.

From Non Run on sentence Hughbert….

.

Howdy Mary, STOP IT WITH THE VERBOSITY….

CEASE IT. PLEASE.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY two long of a sentence.

.

Now…. I don’t know how on earf,

that word

has gotten out regarding the

TWO LITTLE SWINE.

That story has been classified for years…..

And several people are in Witness

Protection Programs.

One of em lives in FROG SQUAT ALABAMA…..

on EDWINIA Street in the Blue polka

Dotted House….with the life-size sculpture of

Richard Nixon in the front Yard.

.

Yes I did save the Big Bald Wolf. Bless his heart.

Those pigs were so mean to him.

I stood in the breach…(and the lurch)

And did watt had two bee dun.

I made em watch C-SPAN for two days.

The rascals backed off and ,….thusly ,…

headed for the hills.

.

But the most perilous and dangerous

and risky

operation I was ever a part OF……..

Was in Hawaii, when I got caught in

a violent food fight between

between a 95 year old librarian

and her PAROLE OFFICERS………

.

It was a shocking display of aggression

and FRAUGHT WITH PERIL.

Kumquats and pineapple fragments flying

every whicha weigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

But I kept my cool and quickly resolved the situation…

By mentioning that I had an overdue book fine to settle up on.

THAT, SHIFTED THE FOCUS OF THE MOMENT. AND CALMED ALL INVOLVED.

Kringle C’cisterson from Paris France (that big old franch city where that Eyefule’ Tower is located) …..steps out of the laundry room and writes dear Hugh……. I hope you had a good Christmas. Cause , inspite of the innernational efforts to shut down H.A.S….. {{which is led by Elvinia (the “Hammer”) Pendleton in Boise Idaho}}}} ……… I still cherish the advice you give us on important tropics of interest to anyone whom wishes two batter there lifes in this old wurld. My quistion four you is this…… What is activated charcoal?

….

From Highding Hughy…

.

Do not worry….. in spite of all efforts to silence me, I continue to post regularly from my bunkers scattered across the hills and hollers in the Catskill Mountain Range of North Dakota.

.

Worry knot….. H.A.S is safe from the Clutches of the “Hammer” and her gang of gang members.

.

Now……. Activated Charcoal……

Is charcoal that RUNS ALL OVER

THE YARD CREATING CHAOS.

I once had a bag of activaterized

charcoal that attacked a UPS driver….

But at least he didnt smell bad.

The charcoal soaked up all the potential

odor from his hard days work in mid July.

.

IF you want to use it to grill steaks…….

GOOD LUCK CATCHING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And after it gets hot….

IT”S ESCPECIALLY DANGEROUS

IF IT GETS UP RUNNING AROUND….

 The only real weigh to stop the stuff ,

once it gets activated… is to

put it on a non activated anvil….

and smash the stuff.

.

Gizzelle Fiddledorf…..a cattle futures trader on the Hugh York Stock Exchange…..stops what she was a’doin and writes this insightful and brilliantly erudite and suave question……Dear Hugh….. Where?

.

Hi from Hughy

.

Well, Gizelle, hope you feel well…

at least for a spell…

Do you know the Farmer in the Dell….

and can you ring a horse shoe ?

.

I could have said “bell” instead of horse shoe.

But. its was simply too easy.

 

.

I must say Gizzy…. That question is

one of the most

broad ones ivereceivedlately.

But, having few clues to specificity

inn now way deters

us hear at the service from

providing the answers

that so many cry out

for.

YES!>>>I KNOW I ENDED WITH A PREPOSITION>…..Sooooooo!!!!!

Calm down out there.

I may have to ban all the liberrians and various

school teacher-types from this hear blog.

But, that remains to be scene.

.

Now……… Your question was “WHERE”….?

My answer is….

“There”.

The reason is simply…….. this…….

I just checked , ….thoroughly,…. and it ain’t

“Here”.

If it was here…….. I’d know it. Trust me.

My Dachshund would bee barking.

Therefore, if it aint “here”….. or “over yonder”

….. it must be……. THERE.

I know it ain’t “OVER YONDER”….

because my wife would have moved it back over

“here”.

.

She wont leave stuff lying around

over yonder,…

It messes up the house.

Little Carla P. Dimpler , a three year old hairstylist from Peoria,….writes on Christmas morning….Dearest Mr. Hugh…. I’d like to wish you a Merry Christmas,…but my mommy doesnt’ want me to be involved in encouraging you in any weigh. She says Eye’ll never lern two spell iff eye keap reeding ur owtrajous postz. But I can ask you this….. Watt did ewe give your luvely wife for Christmas? …and I’d like to follow up if I may…..Watt did you git four Christmas? (Buy the weigh, MY MOMMY said tell you she hopes you got a bag of small flexible bush limbs that can easily be utilized to whack you inn the backside anytime somebody catches you posting one of these silly blog entries.)

..From Ole Hughy

Well Carla…………… You go tell your mommy….

that I appreciate you

obeying her and

not wishing me Merry Christmas.

Its good to see a little gal obeying her parents…..

.

However, I do cents that your life

has been made better by H>A>S.

LOOK AT YOU….!!!!

YOU’RE already a productive member of society..

Running a hair salon at

THREE YEARS OLD!!!.

It’s about time some of you

munchkins started being

productive and paying your

fair share of TAXES.

.

Buy the weigh,… How do you

reach up high enough to cut folks’

hair? Especially basketball players.?

.

As far as gift giving….

I gave my wife a new

Scrub board for warshing clothes

AND>>>>> AND>>>>>>>>>

A n ELECTRIC Spatula with

built in ceiling fan remote control

and (expandable capacity for adding a

blue ray CD burner.)

.

I received a digital fly swatter….

a digital lawn mower…

a digital porch swing

a digital coffee cup and

a digital

paper towel dispenser …

…(with USB connectivity).

.

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