Archive for October, 2014

Yindle Twesme from Nashville Tennessee rites in this scathing critique…..Dear Hugh: In yesterdays brilliant post , you skirted the issues of the political season…I wanted to know SO BADLY what to think about what is going on in our country. I expectorated you to be the one to tell me what to think. I know you want to. Why won’t you just come out and do it…? Millions of confused masses are crying out for guidance and yearning to understand. Will you help us…?

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From Hugh

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Welll……let me think about it………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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I’ve made my decision……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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Know……I wun’t.



Cal Setherton from Washington’s CD store in New York writes dear Hughy: We are deeply embroiled in a poitical season. Acchughsations are flying everywhere. Promises are made. Individuals are scrutinized. Then there is voting. What do you think about that…?

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Howdy Cal…………….

Im not gonna think about it Cal. Lots of other folks are thinking about it and will do whatever they do…..I, in stark contrast must deal with the pressing issues of the common man.

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Standing as a bulwark ….fighting the onslaught of perplexation and uncertainty. Wresting from the jaws of ignorance, the answers to many unasked questions that there is so much apathy about. (Yes…I ended with a prepostion…..SO THERE.)

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I do knot want to contemplate the political scene because I’m still mad that I wasnt allowed to run for President because I play a banjo. I had no idea that the Constitution specifically precludes and prohibits banjo players….Otherwise I never would have gotten involved in such “goings on”.




ILLIOVICH Guillermo from Lindell Tennessee writes Dear Hugh……I have been researching prehistoric events and characters…….but haven’t found anything at all available that has any credible information on the subject…..Why?…..and may I follow up?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I FORGOT TOSEND OUT A POST YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT I dont have a good reason.

I JUST PLANE OLE FORGETTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Hugh

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Howdy ILL………..I can’t imagine what the problem is hear. There should be all kinds of documentation on that era in the earth’s passt.  I am goin to suggest to my Congressman that he initiate a government funded study of this very issue.

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I am confident that the Smithsonian Instihughte will be able to gather a group of individuals whom can solve this dilemma…….

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In the meanwhile, simply make stuff up……………Whose gonna argue with you……???????????????????????

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Stumpy Swamplend from Mew Nexico is in an absolute panic this morning and doesnt write dear Hugh….(He simply called me) and said Dear Hugh: I just got married……I was so nervous that I didnt understand what the preacher said…”Did he say ‘TILL DEBT Do you part”…..? My wife just bought a couch on credit….and I’m afraid it’s over.

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From Hugh

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HOLD IT STUMPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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He said till…… DEATH…………DEATH………………..not “DEBT”…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1.

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I am definitely glad you checked with me on this…..Mercy sakes Stumpy…!!!!! You’ve got to learn to pay attention.

Feel free to ask me anything about marriage and the male- female conundrum. I have figgered out much of  it. In fact Volume ONE of my condensed version of the book “Understanding the Female Brand” is now available in paperback. It is 27,000 pages of really crucial information.

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Stick with me my son. I won’t lead you astray.


Edwin Pullman from Tubberville Alabama writes in today….Dear Hugh: Whom do you think will be elected as Dog Catcher in Weflumka County when the election results are all counted up and the various groups finish altering computerized ballots…? .

 

From Hugh

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Well………….I had thrown my endorsement to Binky Snodgrass, because his platform included the promise to feed all captured animals a weight control dog food….As you know , CANINE OBESITY is a serious problem, and he was finally willing to take a stand.

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I do fear, however that, Mumford Desmond may seek to steal the election by using trained MULTI VOTER Dachshunds….who were spotted sneaking around (close to the ground)….in several polling places…..

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This election appears to have gone to the dogs.



Wilma Mae Shiller from New York City writes Dear Hughy, you ole purveayer of knowledge,……..I have opened a new restaurant and have a dinner special consisting of your choice of two meats plus corn, green beans, and pickled beats. What should i call it?

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From Hughy

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Well…………………since it has a meat and THREE sides………..You simply can not call it the Octagon Dinner Special… ……………….

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ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

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LOOK WILMA……The dinner comes with three sides……….What else can you call it but a TRIANGLE DINNER? Now, if you put the sides at a RIGHT ANGLE  to one another,,,,,You could offer a special dessert called a Hypotenuese Alamode…..

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I know I’,m taking a differnt angle than what you expectorated. BUT I never was real good at Geography …..and Im trying to impress my mother.





An historian from the Liberry of Congress writes Dear Hughy: Is there any future in my efforts to save the past for folks that haven’t gotten here yet…at least so far?

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From Hugh

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Well Hist……….I’m gonna look PASSED what you said ….and speak to the PRESENT…..but not NOW…….I’ll do that sooner or later……

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If I did it now, it would be over before I know it,…and what future is there in that?

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Frankly, Sir, I do think there is a grate deal to be learned from history in the future. In fact…….I will make a rare departure from my abnormal rantings …..and say this….

Studying history (the parts that have already happened)  can be extraordinarily beneficial………..If it helps us make wiser choices in the present…..so that what happens down the road is better.  The problem now is, that there is a great deal more history now than there used to be, which makes it harder to get through all the books about it.




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