Archive for June, 2011

3 year old Gomez Elellton from Arlswank Texas writes dear Mr.Hughy: Have you ever considered taking over the known world? ……Like Alexander the Grape and Ghengis Can…..or Joan of Art.?

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From Hughy>

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Howdy Gomez……..Yes I most certainly have. In fact, I did take it over in late May of 2007…..But immediately realized I couldn’t keep the oil changed in all of the cars and trucks……and the prospect of mowing the known world every week was more than I could bear. Thusly, I never mentioned having taken it over to anyone.

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I have become convinced that, as long as you don’t tell folks you’ve done it, It really doesn’t cause all that much hubbub.

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Plus, I would need everybody to perty much keep doing what they are already doing anyhow……..

When I get more time…….I may take it over again for a day or two……..Just to see how it goes…now that I’ve got more experience .



Sally Gumstump from Detroit Michigan writes Dear Hugh: I’m feeling kinda down in the mouth. I’d like to save face…..I’m tired of those around me trying to get a head…at my expense. I saw a photo of me on your post two days ago….that illustrates my point….I included it below. What should I do?

elephant funny Pictures, Images and Photos

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From Hugh:

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Well……If I may Sally,……Let me suggest cessation of the habit of sticking your cranium inside the oral cavity of large mammals to examine their teeth. I know you are a veteranariananan….and , as such you care about varmits and stuff. But let’s get reel here. This stuff could get you hurt. Let’s be mower careful out there.


Reba Fabre’ Notten from Wingslinger Tennessee writes Dear Hughy: Is there such a thang as a square watermelon…..? A friend said their wuz. I said their wudn’t narry seecha a thang! She said ther wuz. You’ll know wontchee?

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From Hugh;

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Well………….Even though I have pitchers of em below……………I don’t believe it. Whoever heered of a cubicleistic watermelon.?…..It defies geometric geocentricity. Plus it just ain’t a- fittin .

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What’s next?…….An eggplant shaped like a tuba?……………..Or a squash shaped like a lawn chair? Come on! This has to be fake photography.

Square watermelons?….I deny it. Even though I see it. So there.

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Gertrude Peabody from Dissenlubg Belgium writes Dear Hughy: I keep hearing eyewitness accounts of UFO’s. I am confused…and in need of an expert opinion……But I couldnt find one. So I’ll ask you…..”Are we alone in the universe”?

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From Hughy

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Howdy Gerty….(May I call You Gerty?)……This is an important question and one that has been asked by untold millions of brilliant people. (and a guy named Earl from Red Yapp Montana)…………Great minds have pondered and debated this in pubs and kitchens and garages and outhouses and grocery store aisles for hunerds of yeers.

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Your question is “Are we alone in the Universe”?…………….and the answer is ………..NO. ……..I saw several other folks out and about just this afternoon……plus I think I hear my son in the utility room…….Look around Gerty.



Manny Ferlesump from Chatanoogwa Wyonimg writes..Dear Hughy: What will I get if I cross a Car with an Elephant?

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From Hughy

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Well Manny many many people like you Manny have asked this question …..so I finally got to it. What you will get is a number of elephant footprints across the top of your car…….and an estimate for repairs THAT YOU DON’T want to see. Even if you take it ONE STEP at a time the bills will be huge.

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The day for elephant jokes was over Manny many many years ago. Pipe down out there.



Little Freddie Slapworth from the lost city of Atlantis writes Dear Mr..HUGHy…My dog chases sticks. Why?…………

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From Hugh

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Howdy Freddie……………….Why? I don’t know why your dog chases sticks….because most of the sticks Ive scene weren’t moving. They were just lying there rotting.How can you chase something that ain’t moving? My gut feeling is that your mutt ain’t real smart….and certainly isn’t energetic.

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Why doesnt little FIDO get busy chasing cars (or at least grocery carts or some such thang?)

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William Thurgood Twesme from Philadelphia Kentucky writes dear Hugh: I am a member of a group of 500 elite psychologists and psychiatrists (and one veteraniarinan)…….We’d like to meet with you and go through some fairly extensive testing and thorough analysis. Will you meet with us?

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From Hugh

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Howdy Will…….I’d love to meet with you……BUT I CHARGE A FORTUNE. You boys can’t afford it. I’ve tested your types before…..Never seen much improvement in any of  em. Though i did help one feller who believed he was a GOAT………I just said Naaaaaaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..You ain’t!!!!!!! Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaaaaaa.

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Because there are 500 of you ……I could barely see all of you individually in one day. Good luck findin competent help.

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