Archive for April, 2013

Alexander the Not yet Great…. from an uninhabited place way off somewheres………Writes…..Dear Hughy…….Is it possible to rise to political greatness, if you’ve had your gall bladder removed?

But….From Hughy

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What an excellent question…!

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Many many people have struggled

with this important dilemma…

I don’t want you to think it’s hopeless

if you don’t have a gall bladder*.

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*Even though It is HOPELESS…..

I still don’t want you to think it.

Cause acknowledging the truth

of this just makes it worse.

Why not just deny it like you did the

fact that you cant fertilize tomatoes

with SALT…?

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I tried to tell you that….You can’t just put salt in the

dirt so that they will not need salting when you eat em…

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So much to cover here…..but just forget rising to poitical greatness if you dont have a gall bladder.

It aint gonna happen.

Today there is a squirrel looking in the window from the patio here at the palatial headquarters of H.A.S. in Frog Squat……The squirrel is chattering and jabbering and may assume Im a nut. Who nose…..But As best i can tell, he is asking me this…….Where can I hide from the pollen, since I live outside and spend my day running through trees…?

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From Squirrel Respiratory expert Hughy…

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Listen Ole Buddy…….

Normally i dont talk to wild varmits.

Although I have spoken with some fairly wild PEOPLE.

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I can symplathize with your plight,….

and not only that,

with your situation.

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What I am going to suggest is

that you wear a

dust mask.

It is the most practical application

with the least invasive prognosticalism.

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There is the possibility that you will hang

the elastic straps on a tree limb

and find yourself

hanging by your face from a sixty foot oak tree….

But LOOK, WHAT DO YOU WANT

FROM ME???????????????!!!!!!!!!!

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I do what I can….

I cant prescribe pills for you

because the FDA hasnt approved

em for rodent consumbtion.

Phil Chloro from Greene Wisconsin stops his job as a photosynthesis assessment observer….and writes it today……dearest Ole Hughbert….Did Old McDonald really have a farm?

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From Synthetic Hughy

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Howdy Phil…….

I bet in your line of work, that,

sometimes…

You CAN’T SEE THE

FOREST FOR THE TREES…..

So, you just up and

LEAVE.

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Yes……. You do, and you know it…..

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Now, on the issue of farm ownership

and legends.

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It has been stated *ad nauseum* that Old McDonald

had an area of ground on which he had numerous and

various animals of sundry shapes and sorts.

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Our records inculcate that McDonald

was not old.

And therein lies the first amalgamation..

he was only twelve at the time of his

initial possession of the stuff.

(So, from that point forward we find ourselves

seeking to overcome both skepticism and

vituperation as to whether or knot

to believe anything else about this outrage.)

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One thing I know is…

that he doesn’t have it anymower….

due to losing it, in a battle with the IRS.

And, he never had a pig,

as was stated over and over.

Oink Oink Oink.

/

I never believed that assertion in the first place.

Shattering the expectorations of millions………. Today I stepped in a puddle of motor oil and am callling in slick. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Yes, CALLING IN SLICK. Therefore i will not be answering any questions…except this one that comes pouring in from the NON FRICTION section at the PUBLIC LIBERRY…………Dear Hugh: Is there any chance that the United States Congress will balance the budget? …and, thusly, restore some fiscal credibility to the Monestary Exchange System here in our fair land….?

….From Skeptical Hughbert

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Let me think it over for a moment,………

Ok , that’s enough time…

The answer is KNOW……

Absolutely KNOT.

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The chances of the US congress

balancing the budget is roughly

equivalent to that of  an alley cat

offering help to an injured MOUSE.

(or other small rodentiary type vermin)

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The United statesCongressisnotw

idely known formanifesting forwa

rdthink ingin matters of things related

to issues of the sort of things that some

people think isstuff thatt he yneed to

be doin something about beforeit

catchesu pwith us and all kindso

fjunk ofa similarn ature.

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Now, with that said……I called in slick…

I am not supposed to be doing this.

I think I will complain to someone….

regarding the preservation of my rights

regarding being over worked on a slick day.

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Welllll well welllllllllllllllllllll.,,,,,, today here at H.A.S. corporate headquarters in Frog Squat Alabama, we are hosting a tour group of interested parties from the American Institute for Excellence………..They were supposed to be heer two hours ago…(Should be here any minute). Among other things, We will be showing them our system of knowledge storage…..Which of course looks a lot like my cranium. In fact it is. I will just walk out and take my cap off so they can see it better. Also we will be showing them our personnellle department, which is a vast system of notes that Aunt Bertha glues to the East wall of her (stately and palatial) office out beside the outhouse. Which is outside out there somewhere………….But Since they havent showed yet…Hers a question that *just came pouring in*…..Dear Hughy, this is The tour bus driver for the AIE group, “Even though noob ody is coming but me, How do I get two the H.A.S. headquarters….I need to use your out house?

*That is a phraseological quote  from the great Jack Voorhies*

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From Hughy

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What do you mean How..?.

Can’t you drive the BUS over here….?

Just get in the silly thing

crank it up and come on over.

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You will have to step on the gas pedal….and turn the steering wheel..

and step on the brakes at various times……

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ANNNNNNNNNNNND

Whaddaya mean,…nobodies comin?

I thought there was a guy scheduled

to be on the bus?

I know ONE is a small group….

BUT we’ve done a lot of planning for this.

We’ve got dried prunes and sauer kraut

for thirty people…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Just pick up whoever you can and come on over…….

Today, I feel all down and out……..because my faithful lawyer of 60 years has been hauled off to jail. He was charged with seeking to impersonate a dweeb,…When he was caught red-handed trying to steal my IDENTITY. I’ll miss him. But he’ll be better of in prison….than having an identity crisis….. AND IT WOULD BE A CRISIS. But, in spite of my dire emotional state, I can still answer one question from Edna Flatweed…..who lives in an old shoe……….. She writes simply….Am I the woman that the old nursery rhyme is about?

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Edna Edna Edna………..

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That story is over a hunerd yeers old……..

And you aint but 43…………

KNEAD EYE SAY MOWER………..?

I dont thank sew.

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The old woman who lived in that shoe….

wound up in the hospital with

Athelete’s FACE.

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There i said it. Now look……..

Once I start on one of these goofy posts,

YOU KNOW ther’s no telin what Im

gonna drift off into.

And YES I ended on a preposition.

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Do not sit there snurling up your upper lip at me…….

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Any adventure into Hugh’s Answering Service is

FRAUGHT WITH PERIL.

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Athelete’s Face.

That’s what you get for living in a shoe.

ANd YES…………..There are STRINGS attached.

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Little Bunky Snodgrass writes in………. again……..today……Hey Mr. Hughy, this is THE BUNKSTER……..For the last two daze, you havent answered any questions….You have only obfuscated. So I ask again the question from two days ago…”What is the best way to whiten teeth in 90 minutes”?

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From White Shiny Grin Hughbert…

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Hey, Bunkster,……..Aren’t you supposed

to be working on a chain gang for your sentence

after you got caught hacking into our system

here at H.A.S…?

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I give up on trying to keep you out…..

You are as sneaky as a mouse with clandestine

tendencies..

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Regarding Obfuscation………..

I learned it from watching

certain politicians…over the decades.

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Now…….The teeth bit.

The best way to whiten teeth in ninety minutes

is with

an industrial sandblaster.

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It will also eliminate gum disease.

On the other hand,

it will eliminate your gums altogether.

Which, will prevent the

recurrence of gum disease…

So, its a win win situation.

Chew on that a while Bunkster……

.

 

 

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Chew on that a while….

 

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