Archive for December, 2014

Verner Wan Breen from Ulm Germany writes dear Hughy……My question for you is very very simple. Are dinosaurs extinct? And how long will they be extinct?

From Hugh

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Where?

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Can you please be mower pacific? that is an awfully broad querstion. ……………..Now……in spite of scientists redundant expositories to the contrary.,……NOBODY NOSE IF DINOSAURS ARE EXTINCT.

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The very idea presupposerizes that every inch of  terrain and ground ….every under sea cave complex……every mammoth chasm that is unknown,….every depth of every see…(some of which is MILES deep) has been explored thoroughly, AND, that nothing could have moved around, hiding and then come back later….

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ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????????????????????????????

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BUT, IF a varmit is in fact extinct.,,…they are usually extinct for a long time. Generally at leaast several years.



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Manfred Nammlin from Willow Indiana writes Dear Hugh….I admire your erudite commentary on the irrelevant issues of our time SOOOOOOOOO Much..I think you should be inducted into the Common Cents Haul of Fame….or have your name sculpted into the wall somewhere in Warshington for all the help you have given to sew mini regarding things they don’t care one bit about………But I know you put your pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.

From Hughy

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Hold it. You didnt ask a question. WHAT IS THIS????????????? I am placing you on probation summarily. So there.

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Now……..about this pants thing. Actually, I jump into the average pair of britches with both legs at the same time. Initially, I sustained several fractures and a mild concussion while perfecting the technique.

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Now, eye find it saves a grate deel of time. It is quite complicated, and I do not reccccommmend it . My uncle Elmo is still in the hospital from trying it himself. I told him NOT TO TRY THIS AT HOME. BUT OOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. He just had to give it a whirl.

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Certain communities in Montana have done it this way for centuries. But they are used to it. I repeat, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.


Millionna Frubler from Russellville Kentucky write …Dear Hughy,…Is it the case that “What goes up…must come down..”?????????

From ole Hughy….
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Well :……….Milli………………..It is often the case that things which are flung skyward (s0 to speak) will return to somewheres near there original level.

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However, There is exceptions………………Gasoline prices are ONE SUCH CRITTER………….Gas goes up and doesn’t come down. Someone might postulate the question ……WHY?

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Let’s take a rare approach that hughtilizes a marginal amount of common cents. (A) Instead of pumping oil out of the ground in the UNITED STATES…(((often due to being afraid someone will disturb a nest of a Double-Beaked Thimbleflicker)))) We pay people halfway around the glob to pump it out and then we pay em to put it on a ship and send it halfway around the glob to where we’re at over hear halfway back around the glob. (B) Refer back to A. ….and (C) refer back to B.

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Also …………….No …….wait…………….There doesnt need to be an “also”………That covers it.

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Good luck on determining “why” we have done,….. and continue to do that…………..




Vivian C. Ledlow from Sedgewicshire Rhode Island writes Dear Hughy……How can I make some driftwood?

 

From Hugh…

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Well Viv…………….I have been expectorating this question for a long long time….AND NOW YOU’ve sent it in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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As some of my readers already don’t know…………Driftwood is made of plywood and two by fours and waterproof wood glue.

It doesnt come ready made at Home Fixit Stores and such. However you can buy the raw materials.

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Simply get two two by fours (which are actually 3 and a half by 1 and a half) DON”T ASK ME WHY!!!!! DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1….Glue them in a vise. Then the next morning chisel em loose from the vise you glued em to.2….. SAND TO DESIRED SHAPE.

3…Toss into nearest lake. 4 .WAIT 60 years. ………..Then for step five……Search for the peice you threw in the water 60 years earlier.

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You always HOPE that somebody you know didnt cheat and go get it at 59 years.

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By the weigh………..Start this process when you are young. Think ahead.




Aunt Bessie Snodgrass from Ivy Scrub Tennessee writes dear Hugh….I bought a can of EVAPORATED MILK. And there was nothing in it. Whom can I sue? and why?

From Hughy

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Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Bessie……………..What on earth did you expectorate when you bought EVAPORATED milk…?

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To evaporate……means…………to float off into the atmosphere….in a molecularized status. Thusly,…there ain’t nothing left wherever the milk was at before it evaporated.

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The rascal that is selling that stuff is makin a serious profit. He can just refill each can with the same evaporated milk over and over cause there aint nothin there in the first place………Frankly, I am surprised that this deal has been allowed to go onfo rthisl ongwi thout someb odyint hegubern mentdo insum pinb outit.

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Look,….If they can sell evaporated milk…Why on earth can’t they sell evaporated grape juice ….evaporated ice cream and whom nose what else.

By the weigh……Is there such thing as an evaporated cow???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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Elmo Acetycyilice’ from Krunkee Italy writes Dear Hugh….What is the meaning of the word “Exculpatory”? …and Why?

From Hugh

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What do you mean WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?………….

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Whatever the meaning is….It is because the feller that decides what words mean said so…….Don’t ask me ridiculous querstions like this. I am a busy Indi Vidual..

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Now, In all honesty, (not just part of honesty)…….You do not knead to know the meaning of this word. You are simply trying to “stump the Service”…………And we ain’t stumped by this. However. I ain’t tellin you SQUAT.

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You’ve been writing inn asking this sort of stuff for 23 years. I bought you a dictionary and you SOLD IT  AT A YARD SAIL….THUSLY, you ARE Placed on Probation. So there…….

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Exculpatory is a word that can be used frequently EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT MEANS…..Because it is very versatile. For example, you could say when asked by a waitress if the food was good….”Yes I’ve rarely had any kumquat casserole that was so moist and exculpatory!”…Just the tone of how you say it will impress the wait staff…..And they might even go look it up.





Little Bunky Foodslinger from Trounce Kentucky writes Dear Hugh…..I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneeth the missile tow last night…..I dont think she saw me sneak down the stairs to take a peak. She (innacurately was convinced that at the time) i was tucked in my bedroom fast asleep. This leads me to a conundrum. Should eye mention this to my dada…? Or just let it go as if it never transpired…..? Or should I admit that I just made the whole thing up to get back at adults for pulling the wool over my eyes with this “Santa deal” for the last 14 years….?.

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frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrom Hughy

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Oopps …I gotta get that RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR key fixed…………

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Now…………….It dont matter if mommy kissed Santa Claus……..It happens all the time to the chubby old geezer……He’s usually covered with soot and reindeer poop……….Its just a greeting kiss…………Nothing that presents a problem of any kind………Do not worry about it Bunkster.

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So it took you fourteen years to figger this deal out huh??????????????????????………………………

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Incicentally,,……….What do you call a Santa that walks at a 45 degree angle….?………..

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SLANTA CLAUS.



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