Archive for August, 2015

Today, I find myself lost in the sahara Forest…..With absolutely know weigh of communicating with any of you uns….. So I wanted to let you all know that I couldn’t receive any questions…and will have to make one up……. From Hugh who runs an Answering Service in Frog Squat , Alabama…… …..Dear Hugh, I think you are one humongous goofball……because i know you so well……but let me ask you this…..Do you make up the questions there at H.A.S. and merely “claim” that they come inn from all over the known universe ……or are they, indeed, legetimate queries from those in need of imfornation…..to whom you selflessly respond to better their lives….?..

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From Honest Hughy

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This is a question that I have to with deal…

on a fairly (or unfairly) basis.

WHY WOULD PEOPLE CONTINUE TO SEEK

TO CAST DOUBT ON MY VERACITY.

DOES MY SINCERITY AND VERACITY

NEED DOUBT CAST ON IT…..????

I SAY THEE NAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAY NAY NAY!

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hOW ON EARTH AND why ON earth (OR ANYWHERE ELSE)

WOULD ANY bODY TAKE tIME TO make up questions

and then turn around and answer them…..

especially if they are questions that ONLY one person on earf CARES ABOUT…..?

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ACTUALLY, THE QUESTIONS

ARE MOSTLY SENT IN

By folks on uninhabited islands

who are looking for

sensible

conversation.

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ANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD,

by resident doctors on the midnight shift in maternity wards…

BETWEEN DELIVERING BABIES………

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ANNNNNND by …..teams of Psychiatrists…..

looking for a challenge.

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Let’s not be questioning what

goes on behind the scenes hear at

the SERVICE.

HERE COMES A LOAD OF QUESTIONS NOW>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hulman Smithly III from a Bathtub Sorting Facility in Hoboken Wisconsin…steps out from a pile of odds sizes and quickly types with poor english grammar skills,…”Heytharhughy….What does it mean to PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD…..?” I’ve heard that saying PART (not all) of my life, and never have knowed what it meens….

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From Foot expurt Hughy

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Hulman…………. How you can be old enough

to sort bathtubs…

and not know which direction is FORWARD….

Is beyond me!!!!!!

.

Am I going to half to by your books

and send you to GPS SCHOOL????

.

FORWARD MEANS……

AHEAD OF WHERES YOU IS AT NOW.

.

Four example…… IFFFF you are HERE

and want to go

THERE…..

Then stick your foot way out where you can see it

without turning your head around.

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I appreciate each and every reader hear at H.A.S.

BUT I MUST SAY……

I do get concerned about some of you uns………

Not knowing which was is FORWARD,

is a source of genuine concern

and CONSTERNATION.

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Consternation. Yes. Consternation.

Of course, many national politicians over the centuries haven’t known which way is forward either……so, I don’t rekkon I aurth to be suprised that a feller can sort bafftubs…not knowing.

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Hey Hughy,…………IamwritinginresponsetoSYLVANIADITHER’scatbathingservicethatyoumentionedinFriday’spost. You and I both know that cats don’t allow people to bath em. Cats lick themselvecleanand thuslyarenot in need of warching by human beengs. But because Mrs.Dither was courageous enought to at least try it, I’d like to offer her a job in MY BUSINESS…..I know that unemployment is a problem in some areas and I want to help….. I operate a human cannonball service….. We provide human cannonballs for Barnum and Bailey circuses around the glob….. We are looking for people who are of high caliber. and that want to take a SHOT at it…..and who don’t mind getting FIRED. This job is a real BLAST. I hope this will trigger some interst in MRS. Dither……..Tell her to gimme a call…….Thanks….. /

From Ole Circus Runaway Hughy…..

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Welllllllllllll……………..

I’d be glad to aim her in your direction

except for one minor detailllllllllllllll

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YOU DIDNT TELL US WHOM YOU ARE…..

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And I would ban you from the Answering Service ….

but I can’t

because

YOU DIDN”T TELL US WHOM YOU ARE……

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However, I need to ask you a question before

I recccommmmend this occupation to Sylvia…..

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Do Ya’ll use a NET……?

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And i,f so….. How big are the holes in it?….

((((((Sylvias kinda a small gal)))))……

 

Dinnbeck Swathmore , a wagonwheel SPOKEsman, for Amalgamated Wagon Wheel (AWW) International Corporation LTD. INC. (void in some states)……..Writes Dear Hubert……. I am the SPOKESman for a Wagon Wheel Company, and our HUB is located in the center of things here in SPOKEANN Washington…. Frankly we think everything revolves around us here…… Wow…I’m on a roll…… …. But I don’t want to put the cart before the hoarse……. My question for you has been In Tire lee forgotten in this absurd diatribe….and I’m embarrased that I even rote in to you there at the Service……Just answer any question that comes to your mind…..(If anything actually come to your mind.).

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From Aggravated Hughy

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Awwwwwwwww………..

I”ll tell you this Dinnbeck……

If you write inn hear again

without a legitimized query,

I’m gonna turn your bunch in for

violating whatever health rules

you are violating by test-pulling

your wagons with live varmits

that leave

“LIVE VARMIT RESIDUE” (LVR)

on the road.

.

Never mind pollution from the

infernal comblustion

engine…..

What about horse and mule “residue” everywhere…?????

CAN YOU IMAGINE IF WE WENT BACK TO The

HORSE AND BUGGY DAZE…????????????????.

.

Instead of Catalpytlic Convertors on cars…we’d have to have

Poopalitic Converters on Wagons…….

…Frankly, the situation we have now is farb etter,…….

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I’m not sure if I have answered any question…..BUT, at least I have shown the preclusive incleptitude of ever seeking to foist the WAGON daze on the unsuspecting public at large…..

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Your Walcome.

Sylvania Dither , who runs a cat bathing service in Salisbury Connecticut, steps out of the doctors office where she is being treated for scratches and lacerationalisms,….and rights Dear Hughy….. I know you have studied virtually everything extensively…Your mention of BEES in yesterdays post, reminded me of a question I have been wanting to get answered…. How does Photosyntesis play into the overall continuuum of Foligical and Insectitudinal interaction in the fertilization of plants and the production of substi and phylum that eventually lead to honey production….? And I’d like to follow up ..if I may…..

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Howdy from Hughberto

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FOLLOW UP?????????????????????????

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

After rambling on like that in a question….?

I’ve never sceene such.

(And , trust me, I’ve seen quite a bit of various “suches”)

.

Unfortunately, my computer has quit working

and I can’t remember the question except for the

mention of the fact that you run a “cat bathing service”.

.

I bet you’ve had to scratch and claw

your weigh to the top in that business……

It’s a “dog eat cat” world out there.

.

Why don’t you wear a suit of armor like the knights of yore…?

Or the Knights of Old….. (Either One)

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Actually…those suits were original developed

for

CAT BATHERS.

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DO NOT ARGHUGH WITH ME…. I know this stuff.

.

It is crucial that the readers of H.A.S.

not question my veracity…

Otherwise, what good am eye to the overall

wellb

eeing of the world at large.?

Edward Waddinton from Keepa Fork Kentucky uninstalls Windows 98 from his computer and writes….Dear Hughbert…. I take your advice very seriously, (which may be why I’ve got an appointment with a SHRINK at 3 oclock today)…but I digress….. My actual question regards Honey Bees….and Apiary Science….. ..Given their mobility (and the fact that they can fly) of the common HONEY BEE……. How can someone accurately assert that their HONEY is LOCAL HONEY…..?

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From Bee Boy Hughy

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Howdy Eddie……

It’s good to sea you finally moving

away from Winnders 98….

I think it was was wise….

You will really enjoy

Windows Millineum edition.

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Whydontyouupgradeyourramto256mwhileyou’reatit?

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Now………it just so happens that I have

kept beez. In fact I got the Hives one time.

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Bees are indeed mobile……Real mobile…..

I had one that flew over the cookoooz nest…

and had a movie made about it…

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BUT…..BEES, in a recent 400 million

dollar government study, dont average

travelling over 1 mile in any direction….

Largely due to the simply fact that they

get tired and depressed over us taking

their honey away.

.

But……..It is what it is and there’s nothing worse

than a whining bee.

.

So, in point of fact……..

Bees, though they are moving around….

Aren’t really going all that far…..

Which kinda takes the

sting out of any possible laws suits as to

regarding false adverti

sments on the “Local” Bit……

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You’re welcome……

Now reboot that computer and enjoy your new operating system.

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Bradley Horatio Ellllery IV from a circus tent in Pencilcola Florida writes….Raed yhguH…… What are the appropriate steps in teaching an elephant to type and use a computer and surf the web…?

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From Pachydermist Hughy

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Howdy  Bradley ole pal……

I see you actually did run away with

the circus when you grew up,

(just like your aunt Beatrice said you would).

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Frankly Bradlee, I expectorated you to join the

Foreign Legion and move to Katmandu….

But then, what do I know….? All I know is, ever since the time you

Velcroed your second grade teacher to a moving van

(that was going to Peoria)…

You’ve been a real pain.

.

Now……… this “elephant ordeal”……

Teaching a pachyderm to type and surf the web is the same as

teaching any varmit to do it….

First they’ve got to learn their

HOME ROW KEYS on the Keyboard.

What do you want em to do, use the

HUNT AND PECK WITH THE INDEX

FINGER METHOD.????

.

Surely KNOT…………….

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Then they’ve got to open a browser

and type in a search term….and hit GO

JUST LIKE ANYBODY ELSE…..!!!!

Just because they are big doesn’t mean

they get special privileges……

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Ephelumps often like to get on EBAY…..

and the stuff they order is BIG.

REAL BIG..

<

So i recccommend blocking em from

certain sites and puttin

a credit limit on em right off the bat.

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You can’t get an elphehant to do squat to get a bad credit rating straightened out.

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Your Walcome.

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