Archive for October, 2015

Mildred Farbo ………..who puts the “any” key on Computers that are distributed by major computer distributors who send em out everywhere all over the place when somebody wants to put em in their store no matter where it is…………Writes in today……………dear Hughy, for years computer tech manuals…would inclued step by step instructions followed by PRESS….” ANY “…..Key to continue…………….BUT FOLKS WERE FLUSTRATED bec ause there was no key marked “ANY”………Do you admire me for doing my job and trying to fix the problemo? And if knot, Why knot? ..

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Howdy Mumflid………or whatever your name was…

.

THAT IS ONE OF THE MOST

UTTERLY ABSURD

THINGS I HAVE EVER HERDED.

.

Not only do I not admire your efforts….

I think you are simply an attention seeker

whom really doesnt

do much of anything accept sit around

harrassing web page developers

who are looking for the “ANY” key.

.

I myself have looked for the “ANY” key…..

I see “START”….”DELETE”……..

BACKSPACE”…

But nothing marked “ANY”….

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When I first heard this joke on August

the 13th of 2003…..I thought it was funny.

That is no longer the case…..

So , frankly, I have know ideer

why I brought it up.

.

If you have any ideer why I brought it up

please feel free to not write me

at the following address.

Because I don’t live there.

/

Dear Ole Hughy

1110 Pleasant Creep Circle

Buzzard Burp Colorado

24365

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Sheldon Crankkly who runs a Japanese Beetle Squishing Service near Ft. Lauderdales Crepe Myrtle Forest……………..Stops squishing long enough to write this question….dear Hugh, I no that ewe have addressed this issue before…..but IT IS INSECT SEASON AGAIN…..So I am asking again for the benefit of those whom have knot had the benefit of hearing you address it when you did the time before……. “How do you kill a bug that is Twenty Feet Long”…?

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Howdy from Hughy…

.

And thanks so much for your

insightful, erudite inquiry into stuff

you’ve heard me answer befour.

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The answer to your querstion is simple…..

I saw a can of bug spray in the dollar store

today that said in big letters on the label

“KILLS BUGS UP TO TWENTY FEET.

.

But I will say this……..

YOU BETTER GET TWO CANS.

Or a shotgun.

.

The label is somewhat unclear…

It could also mean that it kills bugs

whom have TWENTY FEET.

WHICH WOULD MEAN YOU SHOULD

BUY FIVE CANS

to kill a CENTIPEDE

.

Because centipedes have 100 feet.

Which explains why the Latin word “CENTI”

is used as a prefix to the “pede” part.

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Go ahead and buy a six pack of spray cans. IF YOU MISS….You’ll knead mower.

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HORATIO MAGMA …..a volcano scientist from Jacksonville Florida is about to ask a question……………………………The pressure is building………………..Dearest Hughy……….What is the scientific reason for Gray Hair..?

Welllllllllll…….

HOWE WOOD EYE NO….?

I AM CERTAINLY KNOT OLD ENOUGH TO

HAVE EXPERIENCED IT.

WHY NOT ASK SOMEONE OVER FORTY…?

.

Even though I know nothing about it from my own life….

, I have read about the causes of gray hair…….

.

ONE of the main causationalistic factoids is

NOT DYEING IT OFTEN ENOUGH….

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Another is, TEEN AGE CHILDREN WHOM ARE

CAUSING TROUBLE for years at a time.

.

And three………

TRYING TO Trim a Three Acre lot

with A CHEAP WEED EATER.

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Simply  dye it more often……That, my friends, is the Sole Ution.

My Dear Mother Writes In today from her touchscreen, keytone, double accelerated, speach recogniton, read your mind Hughlett Plackerd Computer…… Dear Hugh, Please send me a Mother’s Day Card….Also, Please stop doing this silly Answering Service. It would be a great gift to me. It would make my day…Will you do it Son?……….

…..

From Son

.

Hi Mom….

Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

BUT BUT BUT BUT MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can you ask me to give up something

that means so little…

to so few!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Lot’s of mommies would be prowd to send their

chillen to skoowl and spend hunderds of dollars

on food….and then have em turn out to run an

answering swervice that makes fun of Fonics and stuff. .

.

Plus Im still in therapy dealing with

the fact that you and dad always

just took pictures of me that showed

the back of my head.

.

And then only hung the pics inside closets.

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So much to consider here Mom…..

I love you so much…..However, sadly

I must continue my service to Hughmanity

but i won’t tell you Im doing it………

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Love you MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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HAPPY MOTHER”S DAY!!!!!

wpid-IMG_20121209_223952_-1898091656.jpg

Henry the Ninth from behind a castle moat drawbridge auto release valve……..in Worsecestershire England writes ….dear Hughy…..Is it true that Trampoline Performers, elevator mechanics and Draw bridge operators expereince lots of ups and downs….? ………….And are you going to put me on probation for trying to get by with this absurd attempt at Hugh Mower…..?

……..

From Upsetted Hughbert

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No, I’m not going to put you on

probe Ation.

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I’m going to have you arrsesested by the

PO  Leece.

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You have violttated the trust of my readers…..

They dont expectorate to log on here and see this sort of

foolishness.

They do expect a low level of the humor factoid…

But not THIS LOW.

.

Why couldnt u at leest rise to the level

of telling a

“Why did the Poultry cross the road”

,,,….joke????.

.

Drawbridge Jokes??????????

Are you kidding me?????

.

Get with it out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

If you want something really funny,

just listen to politicians try to explain why they

exempt themselves

from laws they pass for other folks.

.

That is one of the most humorous things you’ll find anywhere.

The swatter

Melting dog

Elba Doomzdaye sat down at her computer for a few minutes to write us hear at H.A.S……..but her computer screen froze up. So she didnt write the following…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Hang.

From Ole Hughy

,

Thanks so much Elba……..

It’s the thought that counts….

.

Unfortunately I don’t know what your

thoughts were…….

.

So hear I SIT.

.

Since I’m just sitting here….

I might as well address a rumor….

regarding Humpty Dumpty…………..

……….

All the Kings Horses….

and All the Kings Men……

WERE absolutely capable of

putting him back together

again..

But they would not do it,

because there was a half off sale at Penneys…..

and they were barely gonna make it

before the store closed

AS IT WAS.

There was no weigh they were

taking time to fix a busted egg.

,

 

Sumpy Quigmane who is a money launderer at the LOCAL LAUNDRY Matte……..Stops washing a ten dollar bill and writes….dear Hughy, I read your absurd posts from time to time…..and I must say, that I think you need some help…..In fact you need a lot of help…..Would you like for me to reccccommmend someone….?

.

From Helpless Hughy

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Wellllll Sumpy,

I do need some help.

And you wood two , if you got

an average of 65,000 questions

per day……

.

If you think the wons I answer are corny,

You aught to sea the other 64,999.

(cause I only answer the best one.)

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There are some crazy people out there.

For example, Im not gonna mention it but,…

Today, I got an inquiry from Salvia T …in Peoria

regarding how to House train a hedgehog.

.

First of all, knowbody actually

has pet hedgehogs anymower,

because they are usually untrustworthy

and  have been known to eat an

entire living room suit

in a single night.

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Do you think Im gonna address something like that?

I say thee NAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

But ..Youre write,…

Id o needs omeh elp.

I could use at least twelve full

time question answerers.

But whence am I gonna find somebody whom

knows the anser two all this stuff…

AND CAN SPELL.

.

 

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