Archive for May, 2011

Wilbur Thurgood from Bustamove Indiana writes….Dear Hugh….My wife had a bunch of pictures put on a CD….at Walreds Pharmacy. I’ve been listening to it over and over. …..and I’ll be honest, I can’t tell squat about it… I don’t hear anything. I am completely unimpressed with the whole “pictures on CD” concept. Should I be disappointed?

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From Hugh

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Well…………..I should say so!………What is the point of putting something on a CD …….IF YOU CAN”T HEAR IT? May I strongly suggesterize that you get this glitch worked out BEFORE you release the CD.

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You get millions of people buying this…WHO CAN”T HEAR IT……..and it will not go over well. Trust me on this. What are you gonna do……..Put a cover on it that they can’t SEE? to match the pictures they can’t hear?

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This whole thing is so discongruntibulismic.  Please let me know when you get the kinks worked out.


Sony CD player and Radio Pictures, Images and Photos

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Lil Bibbslinger from Gizzard Crunch Kentucky rights Dear Hughy: I planted special-ordered microwave popcorn seeds from a company called “SPECIALORDERMICROWAVEPOPCORNSEEDSLLC”……….I planted the little boogers…and now I have little folded sacks popping up in rows. My question is twofold………Why no spaces in the company name…and WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE SACKS?

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From Hugh:

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Well Lil………..I hate to tell you this….But We don’t allow twofold questions about anything hear at H.A.S…….So I am forced to report this to Aunt Bertha and Cousin ELroy……You will be placed on probation , I am quite certain of that.

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Now ,  I believe you’re feeding me a line of pure baloney. I dont think there is even a KERNEL of truth in this corny little diatribe you have sought to foist on my innocent readers (both of em). But just in case…..The reason there are no spaces in the company name is that the space program is being phased out. It’s that simple. NASA no longer subsidizerizes space or spaces.

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Now regarding the little rows of sacks…
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WHATDIDYOUEXPECTORATEWHENYOU

PLANTEDMICROWAVEPOPCORN?



Dan E. Grubberhum From Tiolet’ France writes dear Hugh: I just saw a partridge in a pear tree. I had just sprayed the foliage with with a mixture of Clorox and Depleted Uranium to prevent various pests from infesterizing the fruit. Will this hurt the Partridge?

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From Hugh

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Howdy Dan: Fortunately , for many years now, I have studied the effects of insecticides and radioactive isotopes on various ornithological species. (With an emphasis on Partridges)…..My wife and I like to sit and study this topic together while listening to old radio weather reports from the 1960’s…From my expensive and far -reaching study, I can assert with confidence, that the fowl will suffer only a day or two of depression…..but no lasting effects.

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Partridges are relatively resilient, and should not be a source of concern. They are , however, highly allergic to the PEARS themselves. Which creates a comumdrum. Why do they hang out in pear trees in the first place?   I’ll tell you why. It’s because they are stubborn…..and since they’ve always done it…………..they just keep on and on and on.



Erma Bompflec from Right Brothers North Carolina sends this: Dear Hughy, do you ever read any poetry….Or are you such a goofball that all you do is sit around righting crazy stuff that nobody cares about?

From Hugh:

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YES! I do read poetry. I just discovered this one today!!!

By one of my favorite writers Bobby C. Abel

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AIN’T IT AMAZING THAT…

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“QUITE EVERYTHING”

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Those who know “quite everything”,

Have no patience with those who don’t?

Those who know quite everything,

Speak when and where they want.

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Those who know “quite everything”,

Proclaim it until they are hoarse;

Those who know “quite everything”,

Are limited to you and me, …….Of Course!!!

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copyright Bobby C. Abel {c Dec 1966}

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Bobby C. Abel……largely unknown to the literary community,……

Nevertheless has a profound gift for concise,

humorous analysis of the human condition.

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Hope you enjoy this gem from him…………..Hugh

Silvira Gersham from Lowdnlow Scottland writes Dear Hugh: I heard a friend say that she was “going to re-iterate” something. Is that hard to do?….I think I’d like to try it. But I don’t want to get involved with a process that is too complex.

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From Hugh

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Howdy Silvira:  Well it depends. If you have ever ITERATED………..You will find that it is not too difficult to RE-ITERATE. The catch is to remember what you ITERATED in the first place.

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This becomes an increasing problem over time. The Chronological Factorial Lapse (CFL) between the two events does factor into the equation. …and must be with dealt. (Couldn’t end on a preposition). Won of the keys to success with Re-iteration is to keep it in close proximity to Iteration…(generally within a minute or two……)

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Thanks so much for this pertinent query. So many have wondered about this for so long in so many places and from so many perspectives on so many issues…and so many have no idea how to with deal it. I’m glad to get a chance to clear this comumdrum up,………………Ole Hughy

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Bertha Clumpscraper from Earlsberg Germany writes dear Hugh: Why on earth is there a picture of a guy (in a dress shirt and a tie) holding a POSSUM………at the bottom of your last post? That is one of the most absurd things I have ever seen.

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From Hugh

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Howdy…….Here’s the reason. BECAUSE I CAN. Also for the same reason people climb mountains…..BECAUSE THE PHOTO was THERE.

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Plus…Possums don’t get enough exposure. Hug a Possum. Do what you can for the varmits. They’ve had a tough time …………………

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Iggy Schmuk from Paris France writes dear Hugh: My wife bought a Deluxe Can Opener. But we don’t have any deluxe cans. I feel like she has really messed up and has demonstrated poor judgment skills. All we have is Regular cans. She knew that going in…..For her to pull this stunt is really something..but I can’t carry on a reasonable conversation with her about it. What now?

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From Hugh

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Howdy Iggster……I understand completely and CAN help. Yes I CAN. Hold the line my friend. She is clearly out of line here. Simply refuse to consider any assertions  that you may be in error.

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Being able to think as clearly as you are now, is rare……..And you are indeed an unusual breed. I’m with you ole buddy. Let me know how it goes.




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