Archive for November, 2014

Little Izzy Krugman from his science class in Ellerwood Idaho writes dear Hugh…Can fish Sneeze? My science teacher says they don’t ,…I say THEY do….Mumpy Squashmore says he’s scene it happen. We new you could settle the isshugh once and FOR ALL ..

From Hugh

.

I most certainly can. While Others shrink away from topics such as this.,….I , in stark contrast, come runnin to set the record (or CD) straight.

.

The US  Government has spent millions researching the “fish sneezing topic”….and their research is available at wewillwasteyourmoneydotcom

.

However, their research is essentially useless, because it is erroneous. And IT IS RONG to BOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…..

.

They concluded in August of 2007 that fish DO NOT SNEEZE. Due do the simple fact that their aint much AIR or DUST where fish spend most of their time. This fails to inculcate and ameliorate the obvious fact that  Mumpy and his cousin have seen it….And they claim that it causes waves in the pond out behind their house.

.

My grandpa also says he saw a catfish sneeze back in the summer of 1967. So there.




Quinvyy Ardenne from a forest in Germany writes Dear Hugh: Do you walk for your health?

From Hugh

.

No I do not………………I WALK FOR OTHER PEOPLES’ HEALTH……and charge em $4 dollars a mile……Right now I’ve got 63 people on the list. I can walk for all of em at once….So I’m making a good profit.

.

Do you want to get some exercise? If so….Simply sign up and send in your intial form that has your initials on it….AND contains a payment of $264.93 for the first month.

.

I guarantee that you will lose weight. (If not from the walking, then from worrying about giving me the $265.93)…..Results have been amazing so far. People are thrilled. I am getting rich. AND demonstrating that one person can in fact exercise for another one. This principle has long been challenged by those who challenge stuff cause they don’t know much about it.

.

Which reminds me yet again why I run this megolithic answering service. A source of information that you can on depend. (I didnt want to end with a preposition.

.



Willerd Schmedley from a Used Carpet Dealership in Peoria writes….Dear Hugh: Does the town from whence you are from have a leech law for dawgs?

From Hugh

.

We didn’t until Big Ed Shackelton made a huge deal about it three years ago. He brought the suject up …and JUST WOULDN’T LET IT GO.

.

Sooooooooooooooo NOW WE HAVE A LEECH LAW……….(as if we knead any mower laws around hear)…..

.

What the law says is the following….”Pursuant to the stuff that came before now,  and with adjudicatory perponderence, WE THE PEOPLE of said township and village do hearbuy declare that any dawg that has leeches hangin off of it MUST BE KEPT INDOORS, In a FENCE …Or held hostage buy Big Bertha’s Canasta Club…..UNTIL SUCH said time and placement as the varmint can be cleansed and plucked of all hangers on.”

.

Punishment is simple……Vilotate the law AND YOU have to make a list of the top one hundred HONEST Politicians of all time. Untill you get it done….You have to sit quietly with a silly look on your face..

.



Sulligent Witherly from Op Alabama writes Dear Hugh: I have a burning desire to hunt California Condors in my area…..Will this present any legal problems?

From Hughy

.

People all over the East Coast are doing it Sully ole Buddy…..No problem. None whatsoever…….Take a rifle or a 12 gauge….Anything is fine……….

.

These birds are one of the most protected and revered and loved fowls on earth……There are hardly any uvem left. And the ones that are left in the wild are all on the west coast.

  .

Thusly, HUNT ALL YOU WANT ON THE EAST COAST…..because there is NO Chance whatsoever that you will find one. WHICH MEANS you ain’t gonna hurt nuthin by doin it…..and…..IT”S GOOD EXERCISE climbing all over the cliffs and mountain ranges ……

.

The only thing you may need the rifle or 12 gauge for is to protect yourself from some FOWL Individual whom seeks to mug you on your expeditions.

.

On the outside chance that you see a California Condor on the coast of Georgia, Don’t shoot it…..Due to the simple fact that this whole post is a joke and YOU WILL BE IN BIG TROUBLE.

You’re Welcome




Hugh …the CEO and the COO and the MAIN CORRECT ANSWERER at Hugh’s Answering Service….. Wants to wish all my readers… (All three of YOU) …. a nice Thanksgiving Day… As you eat dead birds and pigs along with various other culinary delicacies. My Question for myself is…. What is the answer to this question?

.From Chief answerer…Ole Hughy……

.

Hi to Myself……….!!!!!!!!!!!

I will leave this question open for my readers

to answer. All three of you…………….

Once again…………the question is

WHAT is the answer to this question?………

I dont know if it has ever been sent in to H.A.S………..

but it should have been….

and it needs to be with dealt.

(I couldnt end on a preposition)

.

If you’d like to answer this….

Drop me an email at

hjhcbanks@gmail.com

I have sent the days post out early today…..

In case you need help from family to answer this.

Most families have at least one person who is

GOOFY ENOUGH to give it a try!!!!!!!!!

When I asked this on my FarceBook wall

I got answers ranging from “1394” …to “whatever”

neither of which are correct.

Good luck……………………

“WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION?”

Maaline Synchopater from Junkslinger Kentucky writes dear Hughy…..What is ROBOTIC SURGERY?

From Hugh

.

As you know….Robotic surgery is all the rage…….Hospitals are putting up billboards that they have the best Robotic Surgery in town etc……

.

My question is this….Why are they expending valuable resources working on robots that have stuff wrong with em….INSTEAD OF REAL PEOPLE THAT NEED HELP…? There is much to be considered in this malfeasitory conuncrum.

.

What we have here is a situation.

.

Robots do develop serious health problems over time. HARDENING of the arteries…… Tin ear…….Sometimes they get a loose sprang or bolt. Sometimes their blood pressure is non-existent….Mostly there Fliblisponders and Gerson-gibsters go bad. But that’s an easy fix….

.

YOU HEALTH PROFESSIONALS OUT THERE……PUT HUGH MAN Beings FIRST.



Chris Toffer Columbus XIV writes….Dear Hugh…My ancestor saled the open seize in a small boat…with No GPS….No XM satellite radio ….No Bathrooms…..No Showers….No Radar… No Weather Forscastes from NOAAH WEATHER RADIO….No idea where he was going….No info on where the edge of the earth was…..What does this say about him in comparison to sailors in our day? .

 

From Hugh

.

As a student of his tory (or His story),……..I have anylyzerized this set of factoids on nhughmorous occasions……..Having assessed his perspective and that of those around him……And inculcated the ignominious ardentisms of the Queen of Isabella……( Whom Hired him to do this “sailing Bit”……….I was drawn to the inescapable conclusion that…………………..

.

He displayed poor judgment skills.

.

Are you KIDDING ME???????????????????? Why didnt he just get a cushy government job working for the Queen ?


%d bloggers like this: