Archive for February, 2013

Phil Satterflunk from Bestbegon Kentucky writes in today with glee in his heart……because he just found out that there is an Autographed photo of Aunt Bertha headed his way from our Corporate office in Frog Squat Alabama…… He asks simply…… dear Hugh:……..”Where”?

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From GPS Hughy

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Hi Phil…………

First let me say a few words to our readers….

Artichoke

Jambalaya

Erstwhile

Confiscate

Erudition

Stapholococcus

Whale Bone

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Thank you so much,…..

Those were just some words I like to say,

but really never have much chance to use em.

.

Now to your question………which is Simply

“WHERE?”

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It’s interesting that you would ask that question at this time…

.and at this place in history.

Because the time is long passed four answering it.

Why so many people shy away from this absolutely

necessary inquiry, is a mystery tomb E.

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It seems that many of the experts of our day

are willing to address

WHO????

AND

WHY????

but never “WHERE?”

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The answer is very simple……….

thanks so much for caring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a good day…..!

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Minnie Bugsdorffe, who travels around the world reading bedtime stories to insomniacs,……….Pauses to write……Dearest ole Hughberto……………….Often in the stories I read, there is a statement,,, “ONCE UPON A TIME”….. We both know that many of these silly stories are bound to have happened multiple times….and so the veracity of the authorship is contaminated by such assertionalisms. And yet, we continue to read the stories over and over again to unsuspecting pre-adolescents and little crumbcrunchers….What ,if anything, are you going to do about it? …and within what contextual time frame…?

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From Writer Boy Hughfus..

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Wellllllll,…… I have pointed out, on humerous occasions already, that many of the famous liguisticisms that we repeatedly read to our unsuspecting kiddies is fraught with inacchughracy and mediocritism.

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BUT DOES ANYBODY LISTEN TO ME???????

I say thee NAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( A little Shakespearean twist there)

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Look Minnie, the problem now is that there are so many books out there already that are in the hands of munckins…

WE’LL never TURN THE TIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

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Even if we rewrite the stories

LIKE THEY REALLY WENT DOWN..……….

THE little munckins will keep reading from

the old ones that have slobber on em ….

IT’s chwoo….It’s chwoo!!!!!!.

IT is a source of concern…….

The inaccuraseize that are out there…

ESPECIALLY REGARDING THE THREE LITTLE PIGS.

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I have known, for a long time, that their plight had

occured at least seven different times throughout recorded history…..

NOT…Just

“ONCE” upon a time.

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But as far as me acthughally doing something about it……

I’M BUSY RUNNinG an ANSWERING SERVICE….and trying to stay one step ahead of BUNKY SNODGRASS who is STILL TRYING TO HACK INTO OUR SERVERS……. THAT LITTLE RASCAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He sent a virus yesterday that causes my

garage door to go up and down

every time I hit the SPACE BAR on my laptop…

Kammly Carlisle , a Parrot trainer, from Willodean Wyoming stops a session in which she is teaching an African Gray Parrot to SCUBA Dive and writes…… Dear Hugh: I try hard not to get involved in STEREOTYPING. I really do………. But I’m not sure how I’m doing, because I don’t know what it means…… What is the origin of the word STEREOTYPE….? And what are it’s impications…?

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From Parrot Boy Hughy……

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PARROT TRAINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How utterly neato…..!

I once had a parrot that could

walk a tightrope

while juggling three Swanson  Lowfat

TV dinners and singing

Frank Sinatra’s Version of Moon River

in the key of A flat.

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But he got tired of it and eventually ended up singing

three chord blues tunes for free bird seed

at a discount pet store…..in Peoria.

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But I digress………………

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The word STEREOTYPE originally refferrrred to situations in which there was a typist on the left side of the office…and a typist on the write side of the office….. And the awful pounding racket of manual typerighters was heard literally in STEREO.

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A lot of recordings were made of such goings on and they all eventually “sold well under a million copies”.

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Now the word is often used to mean whatever politicians and societal critics want it to mean in order to accomplish whatever changes they are after at the moment. Which is sometimes worthwhile……..

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….and sometimes as nutty as a

SCUBA-DIVING Parrot.

Little Bunky Snodgrass hacks into H.A.S. again today. Bunky is the worlds youngest computer hacker.( He is TWO years and 5 months old and has Hacked into H.A.S. twice in the last week.) He writes….”Hey Mr. Hugh, THIS IS BUNKY AGAIN…! I’m on my mommies new Firewad Pentium Seven Bammo Jammo High Powered Macky Window Jump Jet Sooper Dooper Winnders Ate………Desktop Computer. And, as you can see, I have easily permeated your Aunt Bertha’s anti-hacker software program. My question for you today is this….”What is the best way to protect a computer from hackers and viruses”???????? Heeeeeeee Heeeeee HAWWWWW!

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From Disilutioned Hughbert

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Bunky………….!

Bunky!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Bunky!

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Obviously, you are a little munchkin that is in

knead of some adult guidance.

When I was your age, my mommy wood have

provided me with a learning opportunity

in no uncertain terms.

And once, I was able to sit down again,

I would have know longer been hacking

into answering services.

.

Though, frankly, the only HACKING we could do

back then was if we had a bad COUGH

or were trying to cut down a small tree

with a pocket knife.

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We have updated our

anti juvenile delinquent software…..

and YOU ARE OUT OF BUSINESS.

YOU LITTLE CRUMB-CRUNCHER.!!!!!

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But to answer at least part of your querstion,……

The best way to not catch a virus from a computer is to

WARSH YOUR HANDS after using one….

And to periodically runnnnnnnnn your laptop

through a cycle in the dishwarsher. (GENTLE CYCLE)

Computer keyboards are nasty little varmits.

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In fact , now that I think about it, I believe I see a bacterioid on my “R” key right now….. I will simply strike it with a hammer….

A good whack with a solid object can kill many many types of viroids.

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Karla Krendall keeps kalling kids and asking em to write in ridiculous questions to confuse us hear at H,A.S………… One litte munchkin heard a comedian say something similar and writes this question in for clarification and answering…. Dear Hugh, On Monday.. My teacher said 4 plus 4 is EIGHT. ….On Tuesday she said 3 plus Five is Eight………..On Wednesday she said 2 plus SIX is EIGHT………… Which is it?

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From clearitup Hughbert

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Well…………..

This is a great inquiry,…and one that must be with dealt.

Make NO mistake. It can’t be all three.  And these teachers need to get their act together before they come in making these absurd claims from a position of authority.

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My tendency is to aggrree with the

“FOUR PLUS FOUR”

ASSERTION.

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And yet, I don’t want to appear closed Minded………

Because FOUR AND FOUR COULD ALSO BE 44….

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I’ll tell you this right now….

It’s know wunder some of you kids get confused in school.

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I am gonna propose a

constihughtional amendment

requiring agreement on this stuff

before it gets presented to you

young uns.

…The very ideer.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**********

If I could remember where I heard a similar joke Id give em credit……….

.But I’ve always pictured some little munchkin actually

coming Home asking about the discrepancy.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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wpid-IMG_20121209_234203_1840299915.jpg

Melvin “Muncher Boy” Mellvane drops what he’s doing at a Celery Processing Factory and types….. dear Hughy…… I continue to hear on the news about “Wire Fraud.” What on earth is WIRE FRAUD?……..

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From Criminologrist Hughy

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Well……………… This is a very boring subject. But I will seek to give a definitive answer anyhow.

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The most notable cases of this purported actionalization of malfeasance are mentioned in Supreme Court Briefs C-104352-13-a.

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It seems that , in April of 2011,   rolls of cotton kite string were being sold to electrical contractors to be installed in the walls of new house construction and run into the electrical outlet boxes for use in plugging up lamps and stuff.

After a couple of houses were completed,…….It was determined that THIS WON’T WORK,….. It’s NOT WIRE. …! We’ve been defrauderized!!!!

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Now, anyone, who has done any wiring whatsoever, should have quickly noticed the primary physical differentiations between string and WIRE.

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But Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo.

This has to wind up at the Supreme Court.

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The rascals that sold that string, pretending it was wire……

Are TIED UP

and unavailable for bringing us up to date on

CURRENT events.

Wendy Lou Wombat , who is looking to H.A.S for guidance, in her career choices,………. Doesnt stop what shes doing and tries to type, dera Hguhy Eye nede tow askz you supmin…….I am considering going into business for myself manufacturing doggie doors for space Shuttles. Do you see a future in this enterprise…? and what if any, are the issues I need to focus on…? (yes I ended on a preposition)……

……….

..From aeronautical Hughy…………

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Well…………… I am not at all sure that

this is something that you need

to be pursuing,

Although, it is possible that someone

will soon start suing the federal gubmint

for discriminating against

canines

in the Space Program.

And you, my friend,

may be ahead of the curve.

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I have always knowed that my dachshund felt

left out in the moon walking deal.

As I think about it mower, I say go with it…..

And why not apply for a gubmint grant…?

I’ll take a couple of million smackers just for

my consulting on this conceptualization

…. and you get 20 million for research and development.

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One issue you will have to work out

is the air that will come through the door

as the rocket goes through the

atmosphere at 17,000 mph…..

and then the SPACE that will come

through it once you get out there

where the thing is headed.

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To say nothing of checking on international

space doggie leash laws…… (ISDLL)

and cleaning up after FIDO on a Moon WALK.

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dachshund on stilts - Copy

Playing a sink.......... Sooooooooooo!!!! What's so unusual about that...?

Playing a sink………. Sooooooooooo!!!! What’s so unusual about that…?

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