Archive for August, 2014

Phil Ignatious from Oak Bridge Tennessee……writes Dear Hugh : Is it true that Tuba’s were invented by Emma Ginderiss’s Thursday night bridge club in 1836..in order to have a fancy-looking place to throw the scraps after an evening of “chowing down” around the card table? .

 

From Hugh

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Now Phil…………….Please.  Tubas are dear to my heart. Always have been. My dear sweet mother used to play me obscure folks songs on an antique TUBA every night before I went to bed. From my earliest memories until I moved away from home at the age of 38….tuba folks songs (played with a lot of  emotion) were a part of my daily routine…..

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I was raised near a TUBA factory. Played the TUBA in the key of eflat while sitting atop a flag pole to protest stuff back in the late 60’s……Please don’t mischaracterize the ignominious king of the brass woodwind world.

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The Tuba was not invented by that bunch on Thursday night…………………..It was the Tuesday night canasta Club.


Alexander the Grate from somewhere just south of Persia writes dear Hughy…Have you ever considered taking over the known world?

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From Hugh

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Hey Grate………………….No I haven’t. But I seriously considered taking over the UNknown world.

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I figger if i get the unknown part….and then don’t mention it right away…………that there won’t be such a “hub bub” about it. Folks won’t get all tore up and commence fightin and stuff.

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Now, I do admit that finding the…… Unknown part of the world…. is a bit mower of a challenge.

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But I reckon by using Google Earth, I can find it a whole lot easier than I could’ve 40 years ago. (Which may very welllllll be why I’ve waited this long to do it.)…….





Parnell Snurkly, a MIME from Radcliff Ridge Kentucky writes:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….?

From hugh

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Ok Parnell,……………………….The content of your question is identical to my recent thesis entitled….”What I Like About Playing Guitar Music in the Key of E Flat “.

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Now listen hear Parnell………….No matter how committed you are to this MIME thing…….. I can’t have questions like this pouring in from mimes all over the world. If I don’t make an example out of you by banishing your Mime self from H.A.S…..I’ll have an awful outbreak of silence hear at the service.

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Normally, I would reason with you….However I have a terrible time carrying on a conversation with you MIMES………………Especially if  they are wearing gold colored outfits. Gold Mimers are some of the toughest folks out there.


Little Mumpy Squishmire from Eeek Indiana writes: dear to Hughm it may concern: Yesterday you mentioned Alexander the Great. You have also spoken of Thucididees, Plato and some cat named So Crates. How do you maintain such a thoro knoweldge of history and still keep up with the presents…?

From Hugh

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Well Mumpy………….The present is easy to keep up with just by breathing. The thing about the present is that , by the time you notice it,……its already past. So I admit it is tricky…………

Since I have lived through a good bit of history at this juncture….. there is a great deal more of it now than there once was….Part of my expensive and vast wealth of information comes from a great book  by some guy named Herschell, that I bought at a yard sale……..the title is “Stuff That Happened “. This particular volume covers the period from 1100 AD to 1720 AD………

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Its over 20 pages long…..and covers most of it as well as it needs to be.




Three Wrecker Drivers from Peoria write in today………………..dear Hugh: How did the Smithsonian Institute get it’s name? .

 

From Hugh

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Well…………….Fortunately for you , I happen to know this,,,…(as is the case with so many other important facts).

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The too guys that started the thing….Fred and Herbert………..immediately eliminated using either one of their names for obvious reasons. So they then said, ” Let’s name it after a very common family name, in the hopes of facilitating as much interest as possible”…..”All the Smith’s will come, and that will make us a fortune by its self”…….

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Later there was a Movie called “Mr. Smith Goes to Warshington”…..which worked out good cause thats where the Institute is. (although Mr. Smith had a coupon to get in free from the movie deal….so it didnt hep the owners a bit.)




The Association For Mathematical Accuracy and Number Checking writes in today…Dear Hugh: Yesterday you stated categorically that a hundred multiplied by zero is “WAY MORE THAN” ten multiplied by zero….Can you substantiate this claim? and , if not, will you retract and rescind this outrageous act of malfeasance?

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From Hugh

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Howdy association………….Good to hear from ya’ll up there at MIT.  Its been a while since yall piped up whining about some new discovery of mine.

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Yes…….I most certainly can substantiate this claim…..just as soon as my wife gets back with the car that has my paper sack that I did the calculations on. I did the ciphering on this formulaic conclusionarianism on the back of a paper sack full of canned asparagus tips that were on sale at Kroger.

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As I recall, the formula went something like this. Ten times zero will give you this……..0000000000. One hundred times zero will give you this.

….0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000……….

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If you cant see that there is MORE in the second bunch………I’ve got several other issues we’ll need to work through.




Ingrid Lellerly from Scrunch Mississippi writes Dear Hugh: I’ve been watching Wheel of Fortune….. and I’d like to buy a vowel. Do you have any for sale?

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From Hugh

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Howdy Ingrid…………..Actually I don’t have any vowels for sale write now. However I do know an old farmer friend of mine who has Two “E”s …two ” I”s  and an “O”……….He was using em in a song that ended with  E ….  I…..  E….. I….. O.  But the song was pulled from the radio rotation last week due to lack of interest. So the ” E”s and “I”s are freed up to bee used elsewhere……or sold at auction.

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Mr. McDonald is wanting 400 bucks for the “E”s and  250 for the pair of “I”s…………………..The “O” he has decided to will to his third cousin Elmo.

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Contact him at 4845756362838495060694894837372637485
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