Archive for October, 2012

Little 6 year old Buggy Shellman from behind a malfunctioning voting machine at a Cattle Food store in Buggfussle Alabama writes Dearest Mr. Hugh…. What is the substantive difference, both in incinuated and real applicational aspectology, between the word “UNIQUE” and the word “RARE”….?

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From Mr. Hughy

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Howdy Buggster……….!!!!!!!!!!!! What’s up ole buddy!!!!!!!………….

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I must say Bugg,……….you have quite a vocabulary for an eight year old kid……( My assistant says you are SIX…but that is obviously not the case. No one six years old can use words that big. So there. You are at least EIGHT. Go tell your mommy.) And, while I’m at it.,….I want you to stop making up words. It’s just got to stop…..Big MADE-UP WORDS….are a NO NO.

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Now…….The word ……..Unique…….. means……………

“AIN’T BUT ONE OF EM”……

((((An example of  “Unique” would be ………

a stalk of RAW BROCCOLI that tastes as good as a Snickers Bar.))))))

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The word ‘RARE” means…..   Ain’t Very Many of ‘EM.

(An example of “rare” would be ………Politicians that have great wisdom and truly honest hearts.)

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There are some….but not a whole bunch…………….. that means RARE.

So there you go………. Buggster………………..

 

                         HEE !!! Make sure you’re a

                                       GOOD UNIQUE…..!!!!!!!!!!!

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Manfred P. Yonkers from the Upper East Side of Boise Idaho writes….Dear old geezerish Hughy… Is it true that you have invented a Foolishness Absorption Device….? (F.A.D.)???? And where are you manhughfacturing it?

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Howdy from Hughy.

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What’s happnin’ Manny?

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Sooooooo Good to hear from you!!!!!!!!,,……(although I didnt know you existed until now……..because I’ve never been to Boise.)

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Yes. I have invented a Foolishness Absorption Device. (F>A>D) . It’s no big deal…… Most folks say “It’s just a FAD”. (That’s what my great grandfather said about Coca Cola when he was offered stock in the company back in 1923. He later regretted not getting it.)

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Now………….the only problem I’ve run into with the personal size F.A.D. is that, if I get close to it, it absorbs so much that it reaches capacity before I can sell it to somebody else.

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I had seriously considered having  the commercial units manufactured in a suburb of Washington D.C……….. but in our test trials…..even with the larger capacity than the personal size, every unit soaked up all the foolishness it could hold, just hauling it through town. (One time we passed near Capitol Hill…..and two of the units melted completely down).

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Apparently, I am going to have to manhughfacture a specail application super unit with farrrrr greater capacity especially for areas near government offices.

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But even with the kinks ……….It’s a grate Ideer…..whose time has come.

Mumpy Swagmire III from Bulgers Ridge Kentucky writes, Dear Hugh, a face book friend of mine named Hethe Benderson recently used the word “confuddled” to describe the mental condition they were experiencing at the time. I have heard of “Befuddled”…… “Confused”…… “Bewildered”……..”Muddled”……and…… “Bumfuzzled”…..but never heeerd the word “Confuddled”. What does the word mean? Is it really even a word?” Please Shed some light o yon answerer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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From Stable thinker Hughy

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Hello there……………………

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This is a very important question…. And , as hughsual, I am uniquely quarlifried to answer it.

I have heard many of these terms myself.

BUT HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE MENTAL STATES THAT THEY DESCRIBE.

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Clarity of thought is something with which I am very very familiar…but,…..I have read about these other issues being a problem for some people………..((((and , I must say, there seems to be an especially high concentration of the problems in people

who run for national political office.))))))

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BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, I have never heard the word “CONFUDDLED”………….. This term was clearly made up by an indivdiaual who seeks to confuse and bumfuzzle grammatical litterarrian liberrian types all over the glob. There is no such word. Never has been. and never will be. So there.

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People whom make up wurds,….cannot be counted on to be trustworthy in iny enterprise that requires the yoose of literrati skills. However, they might make a good taylor or seam stress…. because they would be in a postion to keep people in stitches.

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Quigley Froglip from behind the counter at a Discount Goldfish store…….writes dear Hughy…… I am very very interested in how yesterday’s ordeal with the damsel in distress turned out… Did she deserve to be incarceraterized in the tower of London?

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From Hugh

Well…………………I’m so glad you asked this question …otherwise I would have forgotten it.

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First of all the documents that Guinivere sent me were mostly unreadable. (Due to having been chewed by my dachshund as he brought em down to the house from the malebox.)

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What I was able to make out seemed to indicate that ole “Guiny Gal” had only had a couple of minor traffic violaations and was arrested for simply being double parked in a tow-away zone. She has twelve children and three cats that need her desperately….

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So , once I realized the situation, and examined it’s merits, and did an investigation, and refused to answer important questions about what I knew about stuff that was or wasn’t going on or had transpired before then because i was hiding something such as my plans to sneek up the west side of the tower and rescue the damsel (after I got through watching the Beverly Hillbillies on TV LAND), …..I got in my super secret Hughymobile….and skeedaddled for the Tower.

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There I overpowered the guards by quickly super-gluing them all together and stuffing a kumquat in each one’s mouth to keep them from saying “HEPP ME HEPP Me”!!!!!….. (((Kumquats are rich in vitamin SEA….and are really good for overpowered guards….or,……. Frankly …for anyone  else.))))

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Then I merely walked , with a very very suave and sophlisticated lilting motion…..up the endless spiraling staircase…… And said what I had planned. Which was this…… Hey!!!! Let’s Get outta hear!!!!!….. (I had always wanted to say that…..)

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It’s all over now……All is well…..It really wasnt that big a deal…… Thanks for asking….

Guinevere Towers (originally from Gerbilsquat Florida) writes Dearest Hughy…… I am a damsel. My name is Guinevere. I am high up in a tower in London. Being attacked by a group of crazed rodents. I am in distress. Will you hepp me…?

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Hepp Me!!!!!!!!!!!! Hepp Me…………

Somebody Hepp Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hark yon damsel……………!……. O ye Guinevere of Gerbilshire!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wait just a minute.

I didnt study enough Shakesphere to be getting

invloved in this ordeal. Im not shure what yon damsel is incarcererated for.

You may need to be in prison for all I know.

What did you do to get yourself stuck in that

joint in the first place.?.

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Looky here Yon damsel………..You get me some paperwork from yon counties yon archives and send em to

my yon self  and I shall forthwith see…what’s goin on in yon ordeal before I get involved in forthwith yon  goings on.

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I may have to update this tomorrow once I finish my JOUSTING match…and have time to reed these dochughments.

HEPP ME……… HEPP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Aaron Blurre from his desk at Consolidated Catfish Advocates of America (CCAA) writes Dear Hugh: Yesterdays post on the meaning NYSE was very illustratatative of your lack of knowledge. A glaring indication of the fact that you have know ID what you are talking about. A crystal clear inculcation of ignominy. Would you consider running for President?

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From Hughy

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Thanks so much Aaron…… (by the way…why do you need TWO “A’s at the first of your name.? It seems rather redundant. And because of this…I am putting you on the watch list here at H.A.S>……So there.

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Now look. FLATTERY WILL NOT GET YOU ANY EXTRA POINTS WITH ME BUSTER.

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I recognize that we have had various representatives of the people over the centuries who did not possess a high concentration of either knowledge or wisdom .(but, other than that, they were just right for the job). And I appreciate so much your realizing that I am qulaified to join their ranks and create chaos for the American people. BUT I AM TOO BUSY TALKING ABOUT STUFF to the common man out there whom NEEDS MY HELP.

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I cant just keep dealing with these ongoing outcries for me to run for President. I have to move forward.

,,…….So the real question for the day is this

WHERE DOES THE “WHITE” GO……when snow melts?  This question was posed by Comedian Stephen Wright..but he never answered it.

So I must.

….. The “white” color that you see in snow….is made up of a snownimial resin-like moleculine craltwib that is lighter than air. Thusly, we find that, upon the meltiningization of the crystaline substructure, the “white molecules. drift into the atmosphere and become clouds.

There you go.

This is tough stuff. But I try to bring it down to earth and put it in terms that can be easily digestrerized.

Zelda T. Earllsworth from Upper Michigan’s Peninsula (that sticks out in the water up there) writes…. Dearest ole Hugbert…. Often in the newspaper they have COLUMNS of numbers and cymbals that I have trouble deciphering..(plus I can’t figger em out) … Frequently I see one that looks like this…….NYSE………. What does that mean?

 

 

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Howdy…. and thanks for the great querstion…..

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Lots of peeps wonder about this.

(I used the words PEEPS ’cause I wanted to be cool).

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Now ….some folks think this means

“Now You Said Ett”…………Such is knot the case. It stands for the

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NEW YORK SOCK EXCHANGE.

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Which brings up mower questions than it answers. Such as WHy on earf would folks want to exchange socks? And what are the practical implications of such goings on? I think there is something odd afoot here.

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Look…. Socks are not all that expensive…especially USED. So why people would go to the trouble of going through a brokerage house to get it done is beyond me…AND YET…IT IS BIG BUSINESS.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Just go to the dollar store…..Shell out three smackers and BE DONE WITH IT……. This is not complicated…OR IT SHOULDNT BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The old saying is…. “If the SHOE FITS…….. Wear IT.”…. Which has nothing whatsoever to do with this discussion,… so, frankly, Im not sure why I mentioned it. But , it is what it is. Take it for what it’s worth. Which, I suspect will be a relatively low figure.

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