Archive for September, 2012

Ignatious Mousefoote from the loading dock at a Turnip Storage Facility in Calhoun Georgia writes dear Hughy: I am sneezing, coughing and ravaged by unpleasant symptomizationalisms…But I’m not contagious. Would you and your family like to come over for supper?

.

From Old Medical expurt Hughy…….

.

Thanks sew mulch for the invitation!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have got to watch some water evaporate …all evening.  ……. (Just to make sure that the ambient atmosphere is still able to absorb all the moisture necessary for such an operation).

.

Many times over my long and lengthy life……I have heard folks coughing and sneezing and wheezing…and then heard ’em say “Oh don’t worry…I’M NOT CONTAGIOUS!!!!!!!”

.

My thought is this………  WELL…….If IT”S NOT CONTAGIOUS…. THEN HOW DID YOU GET IT????????????”What did you do…Serve as a “spontaneous combustion chamber for the personal invention of a new health malady?”.

,

Did your DNA suddenly develop a COLD VIRIUS that only affects your physicalistical self….? And, if sew, Would you please stop starting  new diseases, before it gets out of control…? (Yes I said “stop starting”. I’ve always wanted to say that.)

.

Let’s all be careful out there with non contagious stuff. Somebody might get it. HEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Now……….Regarding my usual pictures that accompany these illuminatrory postings…..SOMEBODY HAS CHANGED THE WEBSITE WHENCE I HAVE FOUND EM>…………….AND I am TRYING TO FIGGURE OUT HOW TO FIND OTHER PICS FOR THE BLOG THAT ARE LEGALLILY ALLOWABLE FOR SUCH STUFF AS THIS……AAAAAAAAAAND INTERESTING.

Meanwhile …I may have to take pictures of various household items and post them……..

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     WelllllllllI found these three for today……..The dachsund on stilts is my favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Playing a sink………. Sooooooooooo!!!! What’s so unusual about that…?

Advertisements

Mrs. Bledsoe Snivvler from Twesme Kansas writes Dear Hughy…..I have heard that you are a master chef….and that your recipes are the stuff of legend…can you please please please share with us one of your very favorites….?

.

From Hughy

.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I most certainly can and will……………………….

.

The recipe of the weak….this weak is Bubble Gum and Cardboard Sooflay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

The grate thing about this dish is that you can eat it for two or three weaks…..and it’s just as good left over……..!!!!!!!!!

.

One issue Im still trying to work out is that , even when baked properly at 650 degrease for four hours (in a convection oven), its still not as tender as I would prefer…..But, SO WHAT, once you get it chewed up, it’s really filling and tastes perty good for a few minutes….(Till the gum looses it’s flavor).

.NOTICE!!!!!…………Do not skimp on the cooking time or temperature….in case the bubble gum ingredient HAS GUM DISEASE.

.

Simply take 97 pakcs of Double Bubble Chewing Gum  (ANY FLAVOR) and…………Thoroughly  dice 47 old Cheerios Boxes. Mix to desired consistency. Bake and enjoy…….!!!!!!!!!!!!





.

Benny Wadsworth Longfellow…(Henry’s brother) writes in today from his desk at the Sawdust factory in Boogaloosa Louisiana…..dear Hugh….Why did the Possum cross the road?

From hughy

.

What a marvelous question…………!!!!!!!!!!!

,

Form any years people have been aghast at the prospect of a possum seeking to traverse a highway (or byway) of our fair land.

The “aghast reaction” has been learned from the myriad incidenceses in which the lanquid marsupials fail in his or her or their quest .

.

Many people feel dpressed when they see what happenes. But while you feel depressed….THE POSSUM IS COMPRESSED. Which, by the way, is far worse. Many possums fail to survive the compression fractures that are sustained in such goings on.

/

For centuries, no one new of a possum actually CROSSING THE ROAD………So the “WHY”? never was an issue.

.

In spite of Possum Awareness Courses (PAC) being offered,…….people are still causing em all kinds of grief.

.…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

      NHUGH’S FLASH!!!!   NEWS FLASH…………………!!!!!!

I have just been called away to an EYEWITNESS SIGHTING of a HUGH F OHHHHH……….

IF i am knot abducted by it…………I will finish the possum explanation……………later…………

Ooooooooooooo the duties of this job…………………………………..

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK…………….I’m back…………..the “UFO” turned out to just be two 85 year old ladies that had bought  a motorized Cup and Saucer at a Disneyworld rummage sale….and were driving it out on County road 12.

Now…………Possums were spotted, actually making it across the road on April 14th 2006 in  Percers Bluff Idaho…..BUT the folks whom saw it, were so shocked by the event, that they failed to ask the varmits WHY they crossed the road in the first place.

.

So..to be honest………..QUESTIONS REMAIN.



Nadine Schrimshire from under a John Dear Cotton picker where she is removing lint from 4000 spindles….stops long enough to right this brilliant question ….Dear Hugh: In one of Elvis Parsleys biggest songs…He sanged the line “You Ain’t Nuthin’ but a HOUND DOG”…..Is he denegrating dogs in general ?…or is he refferring to an unknown human being as a member of the canine species simply based on the behavioral characteristics which he clearly points out as “cryin all the time” and “you ain’t never caught a rabbit”? I can’t enjoy the song with all these questions remaining unresolved.

.

From Ole Hughbert

.

Howdy Nadine…………Like millions of others, you seek the answers to some very difficult….BUT IMPORTANT questions.

.

However………….Unless you send me TEN BUCKS wrapped neatly inside a Twenty dollar Bill……I ain’t gonna tell you the answer.

.

Just kidding Nadine…………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

You don’t have to wrap it in a TWENTY………..I will accept it WRAPPED in a HUNDRED. (U S currency only)

.

Meanwhile I’m gonna answer a question that somebody else sent in today that didn’t make the cut…………….So there.

.

The answer to the question they sent in is……………………………..

.

“7”

.

Did they ask me………. What is SIX plus ONE?……………or Did they ask me  What is FIFTEEN MINUS EIGHT? or 369 minus 361?????? their is KNOW WEIGH FOUR EWE TWO NO……And I ain’t a’tellin.

.

.

.



Tercel Shebly from a bass boat in the middle of the Tennessessessee River writes: Dear Hugh….I was deeply dissappointed in your answer to the helpless little munchkin that wrote in yesterday regarding the definition of a fiscal year. You are a miscreant and a prevaricator. What do you have to say for yourself? Also I am thinking about becoming a school teacher….Along with the wide variety of intellectual pursuits involved in such an enterprise, will I also have to take an Advanced Shusshing Class?

.

From  Hughy

.

Flattery gets you nowhere with me Tercel…..but thanks for the nice words….!!! I always wanted to be a Miscreant or a Prevaricator. (((I’m not shure watt it means but I think that it’s probably better than being a Democrat or Republican)))))),..

.

Now ………….In this ordeal with becoming a school teacher………….You certainly WILL have to take both SHUSSHING 101 …AND ADVANCED SHUSSHING 202…..There is no way around it. You might as well accept the FACTS…..

.

In the first course, you will learn to do basic shusshing…..along with Whacking kids hands with a plastic ruler…..and threatening to make em stay after school….and clean toilets in the gym.

.

That’s really no big deal….BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT….In the 202 course……You will have to master “MULTI-ANGLE” and “Around the Bookshelf” SHUSSHING. Also “Entire Class Shusshing”…..and  “Drive-By Shusshing” …….NOTE: Drive_By Shusshing will require you to have your own personal vehicle.

.

There’s alot to this stuff Tercel…………You may need me to help you on other stuff……So Feel free not to write in again…..We only allow ONCE IN A LIFETIME QUESTIONS From SHUSSHERS……..

.





Little 6 year old Elmo Twiddler is in an absolute panic. He writes Dear Mr. Hughbert: I am studying time. How to tell time. What time means. Where time goes when it passes. Years. Decades. Centhughries. And even Milleniums. BUTTTTTTT I don’t know what a FISCAL year is. WHAT IS A FISCAL YEAR? I must know NOW. Please…(I’ve got to go to bed shortly, so please hurry Mr. Hugh)

.

From Non-Rushing Hughy

/

Elmo…You should have been in the bed two point 4 hours ago. What are you still doing up at this hour? !!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Sounds like you are certainly involved in some timely knowledge acquisition. My mother was so proud of me when I learned to tell time. (I was 15) ….But that’s beside the point.

.

Now look kiddo…………The “FISCAL YEAR BIT”…….Is not something you really need to worry about. It’s been dealt with and really is no longer a problem really.

.

But , Since you asked, and , since I know,………….I’ll tell you.

.

The “Fiscals” were a Mongol Tribe of folks back in the 1200 BC range…….They absolutely refused to wear watches. All they would have was SUN DIALS.

That seemed like a perty good idea since there were less moving parts and the screwdriver hadn’t been invented yet. The problem lies in the simple fact that , once it gets dark..(or real cloudy)..Nobobdy has a clue what time it is…..(Yes I know I typed “Nobobdy”..calm down out there)….

So it wasn’t long till the FISCALS had no idea what day it was..what time it was or what month it was……So frankly, the whole situation was bleak.

I mean BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK.

….

Finally a group of disoriented FISCAL TRIBAL dental hygeinists, tired of people showing up at the wrong time…..Decide to make up a calendar and START ALL OVER keeping up with time. The first grouping of Eleven months and a few days was reffferrred to as a Fiscal Year.

.

Truth is stranger than Friction.

NOW…….GO TO BED ELMO>>>>>




“Bear” Lee Thinkinge Jr. from under a collapsed wedding cake at a bakery in Gobblers Knob South Carolina writes….Deer Hugh: I understand that you begin to give medical advice several months ago….along with the financial advice and marital counseling and dietary instruction and political guidance and seemingly endless insights into ornothological issues and Tuba repair techniques….Is there anything that you (and your staph there at the SERVICE) will admit not knowing “squat” about?

.

From Frustrated Hughy

.

Howdy Lee……………….. As I’m sure you recognize now, you ENDED YOUR QUESTION WITH A PREPOSITION…!!!!!!! Which , as I’m sure you recognize now, is a serious infarction here at Hugh’s Answering Service. You are on probation buster!!!!!! (I’m sure you recognize that now.)

.

Now, where was I,…… ? Oh yes, now I remember………..I have spokened to my staff regarding your question, and asked each of them to write down several pages about stuff they know nothing about.

.

Giving detailed instructions about subjects that we know knothing about is no problem anyhow. I learned decades ago, from watching varous national political figures, that it is not necessary to know much about what you’er talking about when you talk to folks about stuff that they ask about. ((Noing what they are talking about might lead to actually having to do something that makes scents…And we certainly can’t have that.))

.

Once my readers find out that I don’t really know much at all, (once they get outside the tens of thousands of topics that I’m the worlds leading expurt on)…..I may loose there reespekt. Eye  jist can’t bee an eckspurt own spellleeng…. an everthang else two!!!!!!!!!!!!! Watt dew ewe peeps won’t frum mee?

Perfaction?





.

%d bloggers like this: