Archive for September, 2013

Bouncin Bobby Bledsoe who is a Tuba Tuner tweaking tunes in Tuscon…………Writes in simply, Dear Hughy, Is it true that you have called for the incarceration and confinement of all TUBA players and Librarians worldwide? If not why not? and what is the connection between the TOO types of peeps…?

Wellllll………..From Hughy

.

Frankly,….I should knot

have to explain

such obvi

ous issues.

But because I’m the

kind of kind guy kind that I am,

I shall inlighten you forthwith….

and hitherto.

.

Tuba players make tooooooo much racket.

Even when they are in tune.

It is what it is….

And I entind to put a St Opp to it…..

.

Conversely, Liberrians Dont make enough racket….

They are too quiet…and indeed seek to snuff out

the sounds of others by incessant shusshing.

.

Thusly, we find the correlation between the to is the

EXTREMES

in relation to the relation between

SOUND AND LIFE.

.

Imagine a world without

TUBA PLAYERS OR LIBERRIANS

running loose on the extremes.

.

And thank me for taking a stand.

 

ALSO …be especially wary of Liberrians

that PLAY TUBAS………..PERILOUS TIMES TWO.

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Allison Cartchette’ who is a butter taster for a huge butter manufacturer that needed a butter taster….writes in this brilliant question today……Dear Hughy, The Congress of the United States is at Odds with the President of the United States and they are at an impass…..What is going on and will you take a stand?…(which might put anend to the whole conuncrum? I believe that H.A.S. may have the clout to getterdone…..!!!!!!!!!!

From Hugh….

.

Hello Sylvia….

Thanks for your vote of Confidence…..

.

We hear at H.A.S do wield a great

amount of influence over both President

Barack Obama and the Congress of the

United States….

(and over gubmints WORLD WIDE)

.

And we do know what to do to

fix the mess….

Without shutting down the government for a week.

.

Our plan would shut it down for

TWO Months…..

….

Which might give us long enough

to See if we could find a group of

Regular people…….

Farmers and Mechanics

and Wives and  Mothers

and Librarians,…..and Cashiers…..

and Insurance Agents……

………………………

that could go up there and..

……FIRST OF ALL..

Sweep the place out

and secondly…

SWEEP IT OUT AGAIN…..

(whom nose how long its been since the halls of Congress

were thoroughly vavuumed?????

or what it costed)

Pig debate

Yes I said “COSTED”….

.

and then try to straighten out the mess

that has been made up there for the last

FIFTY YEARS….and quit giving away so much MONEY to foolish causes….

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BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, before they get through…..

I want to make sure that they grant

500 million smackers of

other peoples

money

to the

H.A.S. Research For Hughy Fund.

.

Im going to research how long it

takes to waste,

500

million dollars…..

with nothing to show for it.

.

There’s an art to it.

.

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Ingrid Swattit, who is a Giblet inspector for a Turkey and dressing factory in Chicken Sling Kentucky……….writes imply and with illucidation…..dear Hughy….Do canines borned in other countries bark with an accent?

…..

From Hughy

.

No they do not…!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Just kidding…..

OF COARSE THEY’D Oooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

BUY THE WEIGH ..

YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE FOR

SOUND JUDGMENTS

All dogs bark with an accent…..

Except the ones born around where I live….

I havent noticed anything different

sounding about their soundage.

.

Odd….aint it…..

That we are the only place without an accent.

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Gertrude Winnberly, who is a Frowning Expert for the National Association of Mood Ruiners………Writes in today’s truly worthless inquiry…. Dear Hughy, Im frowning while i write this….and just wanted you to know. My question is this, What is a good way to kill mold…?

.

From Hughy.

.

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll

.

This is a great question…

There are a number of reasons to kill mold.

And a number of ways to do it.

You can utilize powerful chemicals and

.

Vvvvvvvvvvarious concoctions of potent

molecular intertwinners…..

(which are very similar to chemicals)

.

Or…..

You can simply strike each

individual mold spore with a hammer.

.

While this is my favorite method…

I have destroyed a number of refrigerators

and the trunk of my Aunt

Willodeans

 ’65 Rambler.

.

You can also SHOOT Mold with a 12 guage.

But that technique has got to be

used with extreme caution

and proper training..

.

The average mold spore cannot withstand

a 12 guage blast…

On the other hand….

Tha average kitchen cabinet under the sink

cant withstand it either.

Gerline Aadller IV ……….from Consonant Michigan, writes simply, and succinctly, and briefly, without redundancy, or repetition, or use of unnnecessssary wordage or verbage, or taking up bandwidth with useless yapping……….What is the significantce of the use of VOWELS? And whom invented them?

FRm Hgh

.

Wllllllllllll.

Th prblm cn b qwt dffclt t dscbe wtht mmmm

.

Wllllllllllll.

Th prblm cn b qwt dffclt t dscbe wtht mmmm

.

It is my understanding that vowels

are quite useful in communication…..

I dont know who invented em…..

But I am relatively certin they were

invented quickly….

very soon after the

use of consonants

beginned.

Rhino

HE’S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK…..Looks like we are going to have to hire a new pest control company with STRONGER SPRAY for RHINOS.

.

After the invention of language,

which , by the weigh,

couldnt have taken very long…..

I am sure that vowels came into

vogue with relative ease…

Although there was a group of folks

who opposed vowels vehemently and fought about

it for weeks….until they all became so

disoriented from failure to communicate….

that they lost sight of whose side they

were on in the first place.

.

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W. Dee. Fourtee’ who is a friction section expert at the Public Liberry is Tuscon Arizona….Writes this penentrating question in to the new H.A.S. Hotline……Dear Hughy, I am moarketing a new baseball suit for players that like to steel second base while the picture aint payng enough attention from the pitchers mound….It is a suit that is manufactured in and washed in and coated with OIL………Our feeling is that it wil facilitate SLIDING into second base….We figger ther feller can start sliding a lot sooner but we have beenunable to figger how to stop him. One guy slid plum out into the mezzinine, through a popcorn stand and into Santa Monica Freeweigh. What should we do….?

.

From Diamond boy Hughy….

.

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll………………

You are not going to get to first base…

much less ever win any games with this outrageous concept….

.

I certainly hope you havent got much money tied up in it…

.

There are some slick folks out

there that will take your money

and RUN WITH IT….

And if they are wearing one

of your suits…

You’ll never be able to catch em.

.

Plus, all the players on

the teams will start

CALLING IN

SLICK.

.

This is a slippery slope, and an ideer 

that must be put OUT to pasture……

.

Plus DERMATOLOGISTS EVERYWHERE

will be concerned

about the potential for OILY SKIN ISSUES.

Felicia Dreadnaught , an assistants assistant writes DEAR HUGHBERT…As I sit here today (at the keyboard of an electronmic device hooked to the internnet) I realize that I am sending digits through the air…by doing so….My concern is that these digits mite strike somewon upside the haid……..YES ISAID “UP SIDE THA HAID”……Am I at rsik of being sued…..? By a victim???? or a purported “strikee” who might say I am the “striker”?

.

Well….This is difficult to say…..

.

((Although, Actually, the word

“this” ….

is not difficult to say …

But that’s knot what I mint.))

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I was once struck by a set of didgets…

BUT they were attached to a HAND.

.

Yes FINGERS ARE BIOMALOGICALLY

reffferrred two as DIGITS.

ASK A LIBERRIAN.

ITs CHWOOOOOO!!!!!

.

I suppose it is plausible that , under a very rare set of circumfrances,

an email or text massage could whack a person in the cranium….

.

Such things are effected by barom eatric pressure.

.

(NOTE TO TEAHCERS AND LIBERRIANS….)

Yes….I know that the correct word would be “A” FFECTED

.

GIMME A BREAK……

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