Archive for July, 2013

In a shocking turn of events, we were visited today at the Frog Squat Headquarters of H.A.S…….By a group of disoriented rocket scientists…..(Generally, these types don’t get disoriented,….which is what makes it shocking)………Anyhow, they were needing some advice on how to calculate the eliptical decline line of a falling star when acted upon by the combined actuarial and geotimnical gravlimation of the earth and the moon, while in a geosynchronous orbit…….So I told em what they needed to do….as follows……

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From Spacey Boy Hughy

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Well ladies and gentlemen….

And distinguished various other

folks…….and guesseds

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As we approach this subject,

the first thing to remember is that you

need to eat plenty of protein

and dietary fiber…

because this may take a while …

and we all need to be at our best.

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Secondly,   Make sure you have a pencil…

No……make it TWO pencils.

And a couple of books of blank paper.

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You will also need a pitcher of coofee…..

(Yes I said “coofee”)……..

Its a sppecial drinck for brain health.

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Now,…….

Let’s get down to pacifics.

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Step one…..

Panic.

Step Two:

Recognize that know won kneads

two no this anyhow,

but if the gubmint will fund it

with other peoples money,

LETS GO FOR IT.

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Step three…

Call AUNT BERTHA….

Shes the one that nose the deet tails.

Your Walcome.

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Worthington Harrison Slidelle III who is an industrial P-trap specialist from Plumbers Gulch Virginia,……writes….dear Hugh…..Even though your font was messed up, yesterdays post regarding making a long story short REALLY Illuminated the issue and really set some things straight that needed to be with dealt. (couldn’t end on on a preposition)…………….But my question today is,….What are the implications of making a short story LONG…..? And I’d like to follow up if I may…..

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From Hughy

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No…..You may knot follow up.

Are you kidding me…..?

Absolutely knot.

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How interesting that you would ask the reverse

of yesterdays lackluster question…

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I have seen (and participated in )

Making a short story long….

Although, It is usually done by

politicians and so-called expurts.

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Some Politicians talk

long and

hard…..

For some

reason.

And some of us don’t know what

Some of em are talking about….

And I am relatively certain

that the politicians

don’t know either….

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Generally , when an individual

such as myself

talks very much

You would do well not to

pay much attention to it.

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Usually what ACTUALLY needs to be said,

can be covered in a very short time.

SO WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS

AT THIS POINT??????????????????

I need to hush…

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Yes …it’s the same one from yesterday.

I couldnt help myself..

Waddell Quigley from down Under…………a ’76 Ford Mustang……Writes “Dear Hughy….What are the implications and ramifications of making a…. long story short….?”

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From Ole Hughbert

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Well…..
They are as follows….
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Does that give any idea…?
LOOK AT ALL THE INFORMATION
YOU MISSED OUT ON
BECAUSE I CHOOSED TO MAKE A LONG STORY …SHORT..
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I COULD HAVE enlightenerized the millions whom yearn for knowledge.
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But, as it is,….I had to keep it SHORT….
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And knot only that….
It made my font look goofy.

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Wadsworth Craggley……..Who does nothing but train sled dogs to tolerate temperatures above 90 degrease fair in height………..Stops what he’s doing and rights….dear Hugh,….What IQ score is considered average?

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From Mental Prowess Assesser Hughy…

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Wellllllllllllllll…………………..

I suppose……… as mini thymes as Eye

have taken an IQ test…..

I shud no this…..

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And yet, I have actually had to go look it up……

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I think my average is around 13……..

(((But that was ROUNDED UP to the nearest 3…………))))

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A lot of peoples average is WEIGH

higher than that…..

Some even score into the 30’s……..

(on a good day)..

And I have herd of some extroodinary

indivibduals..

Whom reach into the low 60’s,

(((If…. they are tested on a good day.))))

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But rilly….fer as Eye can’t  ell………..

IQ scores don’t mater awl that much

as long as a persun is able to sel and git

along gud inn society…

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Take me , four exampl……

I have dunn fairl E well…..

Just buy noing howe two spel

th bacik stuf.

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Andd buy mastturring FONIKZ…and Punk

U. Ation……

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It makez mee ap ear mulch mower intell

Eck Tual than EYE RILLY AM.

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Have aye GRATE DAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Coffe N. Wheezer is a fire hydrant repainter in Lulu Kentucky……He stoops to put the last stroke on a yellow one and remembers to ask our advice hear at the Service……He types quickly while avoiding two stray dogs…….dear Hugh….I know that wire tapping is illegal, for everyone except the gubmint….but what about foot tapping? Also, I know I can tap MY feet without fear of repercussions, but can I TAP OTHER PEOPLES FEET without looking over my shoulder…?

From Security Hughy

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Welllllllllllllllllllllll

This issue of FOOT TAPPING has been a

sensitive one for some time….

Some say it is ok to tap your feet…

Some say its only ok at certain times.

Some say all kinds of things

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And some dont say squat.

but dont listen to those.

 

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Hear is the problem…

IT IS NOT OK TO TAP

OTHER PEOPLE’S Feet.

Many peeps are irritated by having

there feet whacked in rhythm

to music.

UNLESS THEY ARE TAPPING ALREADY.

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Sew be very careful out their.

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Garble’ Ransmiss from Tweedle France writes while on a break at a Whine Factory……..Dear Hughy……What comprises the average life-span of an east african Crocodile…? I know that you are definitely an expurt on creatures and varmits and will be very much aware of this kind of stuff.

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From Scaley Critter expurt Hughy

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Well…….

The Crocodile in East Africa is an

elusive creature….

that has not been studied all that much

(except by the United states gubmint.)

Two US senators have commissioned

studies that cost fourteen squillion dollars…..

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One study was done in Ohio

and One in Alaska.

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And there arent any crocodiles in either state…..

So there will need to be another study SOON.

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The results however …..were as follows.

The average life-span of the East African

crocodile is comprised of

DAYS and Weeks.

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Your tax dollars at work.

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Shelby Winn Thumbly whom is an perspiring sanger in Ashville Tennesseessee writes…….Dear Hugh….How well do unidirectional microphones work?

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From Audio Hughy

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Wellllllllllllllll…….

They don’t work at all

if you are trying to use one as a

boat paddle.

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They dont work at all if you are

seeking to pry the lid off a

half inch thick steel shipping crate.

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How am I supposed to know how well they work

if you dont tell me what you are using one four.?

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I can’t reed your mind.

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But lets assume you are using one

to SING INTO IT…

In the hopes that it makes you louder.

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A unidirectional micorphone works good as

long as you are singing in the correct direction.

The problem is, you can’t tell until you’ve already

started….and then it’s two late.

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What you can do is…..

Run around and around it and try to determine

at what spot you get the best

audience reaction…..

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Get busy…and let me know how it goes.

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