Archive for January, 2012

Phoebe Griswad from Snorer’s Cringe Minnesota writes in today with a scathing critique…..Un Dear Hugh, So far you have refused to endorse any candidate in the poitical race for the presidency of the United States Of America in 2012. Is this because you are planning to run yourself?

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From Hugh

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Well Phoebe……………I have been very hesitant to run for President………Due to the fact that I have no credentials whatsoever. Plus I,m busy trying to take over the known world and simply must not get distracted.

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I have already gained control of several parts of the earth that no one know about.  For example I took over an entire continent just of the coast of  South Africa that is submerged under 500 feet of water. Just taking care of that one area keeps me very busy. BUT, if I am elected by a write in vote, to the presidency of the U.S.,…………here are my promises…………(1) I promise to resign within one week….. . AND (2) I will exempt myself from any laws that I sign while I’m there..

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And i promise to keep secrets from the Secret Service……(But please don’t tell em I said that.)

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Actually I don’t endorse any political candidate for at least four specific reasons. But I don’t know what they are.



Randy Benstown who doesn’t even know where he’s from writes inn today…Dear Hugh: I was standing at the elevator door on the top floor of my hotel yesterday. I heard one elevator say to the other “How you doin buddy?” the elevator answered…”Well, I’m having my ups and downs,..You know some people just know what buttons to push to get me down”. Mr, Hughy, My wife said that was something you’d like to hear about. Is it?

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From Hugh

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You barely did get a question in there Randy……I’m not happy about this kind of drivel making it past my screeners here at H.A.S……The question of elevator conversationalism has been an open and shut case hear at the Service. We are not supposed to ever deal with this kind of infantile banter.

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I am placing you and your whole family on probation. (Yes. This includes your great Aunt Neevie) . She’s worse than you are. ………..There are support groups available for all you probatees here at H.A.S. and the likes of your ilk. Please think about how you have diminished the Service  by posting this absurd attempt at humor. I fell like we got the shaft on this deal…..

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I, for one, am utterly embarrassed by this display of poor judgment.




Elliie Lou Yankovich from St. Paul Minnesota writes….Dear Hugh…I heard you are a musician who can’t sing real good..but you sing anyway . My question for you is this; How HIGH CAN YOU SING?

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FROM HUGH
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Well……..Let me think……I once sang on top of a barn. That would have been roughly thirty feet high…….No WAIT!!…….I SANG ON TOP OF PIKE’S PEAK IN COLORADO….!!!!! That’s really really high………
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If I get higher than that….I’m so scared that I just don’t feel like singing..

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Singing in a high place is really no difernt than sangin in a low place….’cept for the fact that the air is thinner when you gets way up thar…..It makes it even more important to sing from the diagrahm like the voice teachers say.




Why do sangers sometimes seem to look as if they appear to be IN PHYSICAL PAIN?//////What is the deal with that…?

Yes Im putting extra pitchers today…because there werent narry a one on the post yesterday.

vocalists Pictures, Images and Photos


Van Sherbette from Tangy Slurp Virginia wrote in Today: Dear Hugh: What is Mistletoe?

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From Hugh

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Howdy Follks…..Missile toe was first observed by Dr. Fenwick Wainright in a clinic at Cape Carnival Florida in 1959….when a Saturn Five Rocket fell on Betty Crump’s foot……………

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The awful incident also broke the salad bar …………and put a dent in the rocket that led to an aerodynamic anomaly that forced the rocket off course and made it land 3 feet off target on  the moon.

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Truth is stranger than friction…………There’s no way I could make this stuff up.

 

Why are there no pictures today???????????????????????????……….So sorry…..My internet is messed up today……Extra pics tomorrow hopefully!!!!…

An angry mother from Edsel Michigan writes: Non-dear Hugh, I am an angry mother from Edsel Michigan…..I am completely vituperated by your bad example for my twins. They have picked up on the fact that you make fun of Phonics and are now misspelling so many words that my friends are ridiculing our entire family. You are a bad influence on them and I’m really really sick of it. They are both lawyers and have families of there own two think about. Will you seek to do better or knot?

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From Hugh

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Know!!!!!……Absole Utely Knot. Eye jist aant gunna dew itt. Now look here “Angry”………I told the people who you were and where you were from….Don’t come flying in here writing stuff in your post that makes it look as if I am redundandt or repetitive or gramatatically incorrect or incoherent.

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You “angry types” are a constant source of trouble for the fragile staff hear at the Service. We are going to install some sort of system to filter out those of you who can’t think straight…..and communicate reasonabley.

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So there.



Three Wrecker Drivers from Peoria write in today………………..dear Hugh: How did the Smithsonian Institute get it’s name?

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From Hugh

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Well…………….Fortunately for you , I happen to know this,,,…(as is the case with so many other important facts).

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The too guys that started the thing….Fred and Herbert………..immediately eliminated using either one of their names for obvious reasons. So they then said, ” Let’s name it after a very common family name, in the hopes of facilitating as much interest as possible”…..”All the Smith’s will come, and that will make us a fortune by its self”…….

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Later there was a Movie called “Mr. Smith Goes to Warshington”…..which worked out good cause thats where the Institute is. (although Mr. Smith had a coupon to get in free from the movie deal….so it didnt hep the owners a bit.)




Wadley Pullman from Trane West Virginia writes….Dear Hugh: I heard on the news today that hot air ballooning is on the rise in this country….Will that contribute to inflation? I’m just kinda wanting to float these questions that give rise to some serious thought. I hope this subject won’t fall flat. Hugh, you have meant so little to me and my family,…please take this opportunity to say something worthwhile.

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From Hugh

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Howdy Wadley………………..I have never in my life gotten a blathering bunch of mumbo jumbo like you have foisted upon us with this post.

How long has it been since you had your head examined…? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.?

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I certainly hope that you will see one of the shrinks that my team will reccccccommend for you. If knot,…….just call me personally and I will counsel you through this tumultuous time of mental decline.





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