Sally Sue Shamrock sits sedated singing Southern sad songs before surgery to somewhat correct her dislocated ear……….and writes……dear Hugh….You answer so mini difficult questions….I thought Id give you an easy one…….What is the sum of TOO plus TOO….?

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From Hughy

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Well……You are a welcome ADDITION

to the question askers here

 at the Service…

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We do have to strain at times to find

the necessary information to ease the

troubled minds

of some of our readers…

(and there is no doubt….

they have troubled minds)

.

But to answer your question…

The sum of Too plus Too……

Is tootoo easy to figger out…..

So I simply asked my Too year old grandaughter

and she ran around saying

TOO TOOO TOOO TOOO TOO

TOO TOO……….

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Chrenshaw Tillmun couldnt write in on his laptop today with his question (due to a virus which precluded useage))….So he simply drove over to our Frog Squat Headquarters and slid ano te under the door………Dear Hughy, I know you addressed this a couple of years ago….but I dont remember it…Philopsophers and thinkers have pondered it over the centuries, Everyone from SO CRATES to Aristotle….to Fred Ziffle…… What is the meaning of fife?

From Meaningful Hughy.

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Welllllll…..

Answering this is not just

whistling in the wind

my friend.

And that’s not the end….

Let me begin.

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For the most part, these sorts of

things are understood….

The piccolo, the flute, the oboe,

the bassoon,

and the bagpipes…

are easy to understand the meaning

and usefulness of.

(Yes I ended on a preposition.)

Welllllllllll, not necessarily the bagpipes.

No one nose for sure what those things are

for needed.

(I didnt want to end on a preposition again.)

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The meaning of FIFE,…

however  is a very difficult

assessment to make….

because you

can’t tune the thing

and nobody want to hear any song

on it that lasts over

twelve seconds or

doesnt sound like a

17th century call to arms.

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I say get rid of all of em.

As soon as possible.

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Shelby Winn Thumbly whom is an perspiring sanger in Ashville Tennesseessee writes…….Dear Hugh….How well do unidirectional microphones work?

…..

From Audio Hughy

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Wellllllllllllllll…….

They don’t work at all

if you are trying to use one as a

boat paddle.

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They dont work at all if you are

seeking to pry the lid off a

half inch thick steel shipping crate.

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How am I supposed to know how well they work

if you dont tell me what you are using one four.?

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I can’t reed your mind.

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But lets assume you are using one

to SING INTO IT…

In the hopes that it makes you louder.

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A unidirectional micorphone works good as

long as you are singing in the correct direction.

The problem is, you can’t tell until you’ve already

started….and then it’s two late.

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What you can do is…..

Run around and around it and try to determine

at what spot you get the best

audience reaction…..

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Get busy…and let me know how it goes.

Movaline Shelby who is a maternity room security guard at Jacks Veterinary Service and Brake Repair………….Writes…..dear Hughy, What is the big deal about the Dutchess of Cambridge Giving Birth to a Son yesterday whom is to be third in line to the throne of England….? The news media is going crazy…..WHy is this……And what is the BIG DEAL?

From Childbirth expert Hughy

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Well………..I know how she feels…

I have TWO children of my own.

SO PLEASE DONT THINK I DONT

KNOW ABOUT THIS STUFF.

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I dont know what the deal is with the media…

BABIES ARE BORNED NEARLY EVERY MONTH

SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD.

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Its a big deal to the Mommy cause its a fairly

noticeable to have 8.4 pounds of somebody else

livin “in house” so to speak.

And then the DIAPER CHANGING STARTS.

OHHHHHHHH MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(I remember the one I changed on one of our kids)

It was awful.

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I needed therapy for two days…

But only went for ONE dAY

Which is why I never got over it..

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I reckon, however, that this kid born to the

Dutchess,

could possibly be King of England one day if

lots of other people expire.

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I actually wanted the job of

King of Britian myself…

But this incident has probably

ruled that out….

Frankly, I was two busy

weed eating anyhow.

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Hue P. Esse from Fredex Valley Ohio, rights….Dear Hugh’s Answering Service….I am comsidering starting a discount package delivery infrastructer and system by which stuff can be taken to folks whom need it….UTILIZING ONLY ….UNICYCLES. ……I feel that it will be a way of GOING GREEN. …and saving gas and stuff like that…….And it certainly wont wear the roads out so badly. What tips can you give me in this enterprise?

From Hughy.

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Well, I’ll send you a crumpled dollar

that i just found in the dryer…?

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NO NO NO NO……

I guess you want actuall operational ADVICE….

NOT A TIP.

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The first thing I’d say with this

unicycle delivery arrangement…

Is that you must take a

WELL-BALANCED approach.

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There i said it. Somebody had to expect that one.

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BUT I DIGRESS.

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It will be crucial…and important

for you to teach your drivers to obey

all traffic laws.

ESPECIALLY STOPPING.

BUT THEY MUST REMAIN BALANCED

AND NOT PUT THEIR

FOOTSIES on the GROUND.

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This will help keep people from staring at

their cell phones while at traffic lites.

And , if you hang a tip jar

off the side of the cycle,

you may actually pick up some change

in such situations.

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Caution all your drivers not to carry more than

TWELVE packages per trip.

TWELVE. ……NOT THIRTEEN…..

TWELVE.

Studies have shown that is the limit..

DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME.

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We know about stuff like this.

 

Deppy Sheltlan from an elephant farm in Peoria Illinois writes today with this insincere inquiry…Dear Hughy, What do I need to do to get my face and head carved on Mt. Rushmower…….?

From Hughy

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Welllllllllllll……….

,

I think normally you need to be dead a long time…..

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But, in this case we will make an expleption ,

I would recommend starting buy buying a drill and a big hammer, and some rope.

And get started.

DO NOT BUY CHEAP TOOLS.

DONT DO IT.

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No knead to get permits or anything….

Just pick a spot and start whacking.

.

And while your at it, why not get

that pimple off Theodore

Roosevelts NOSE.?

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Get Busy.

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Edmund Fitzgerru who is a Linguini Manufacturer in Southern Nashville, writes dear Hugh,…..The admonition against counting unhatched chickens is well known….and yet, questions remain as to weather or knot an individual can put any stock in counting other mammals or fowl species before they are actually birthed into the world as we know it……For example, could a person reasonably count marsupials before they are “hatched”……or perhaps catfish? .

 

From Hughy

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This is a question that continues to

rear it’s ugly head

hear at the Service.

As much as we would like to avoid it…

So mini peeps are interested in it,

that I must resolve it

ONCE AND FOR MOST.

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The need to count unhatched creatures is a

ubiquitous desire of humankind.

And it’s everywhere.

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The most dependably countable of all speciods is the

Duck Billed Platypus which is indigenous only to the areas where it lives naturally.

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Which aint very many spots…

And therein lies the reason for why CHICKENS began to be counted…before they hatched.

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The unavailability of the platypus rendered a situation so frustrating that many people turned to counting common yardbirds.

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Side note….If you are still reading at this point,

It may be time to go do something mower pro

duck tive. Please dont tell your psychiatrists teams

about this post.

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