Archive for May 29th, 2015

Manfred Crabgrass from a Shrimp boat ….lost on the vast upper regions of Lake Michigan…. writes… dear Hugh…..My wife left our vacuum cleaner running over night to help keep the dust level lower in the room… (she figgered it would catch free roaming air particulates by sucking them through the filters)…What it actually did was vacuum up our two dachshunds and the neighbors Amazonian Double-Beaked Parrakeet. How is the best way to remove them from the filters….?……. and will the pets need counseling…?

From Pet rescuer Hughy….

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Well………….You came to the right place on this…. We are the experts on Dachshund retrieval.

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First of all………..It is important that you panic.

This is key.

You MUST panic before doing anything productive here.

 Now, after that……..

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Simply reach down into the auxiliary dibtwine actuator…

and release the gobsponder……

Then pull the filter UP with a single motion.

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Next………..tell the dachshunds that QUOTE………

“EVERYTHING WILL BE OK”

while you grasp the disoriented PARAKEET

by the left foot

and NON CHALANTLY……

pull it out into the safety of your CAT FREE living room.

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Then just pull the SHORT LEGGED WEEEEEENY DOGS out by their long snouts………………….

And WAH LAH………… All is well……..

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BUT TELL YOUR WIFE to STOP this stuff………… I may not be around forever to help you fix these messes.

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