Willodean Quagmire from Gotta Twinge Tennessee writes Deere Hughy: I realized I had the MUMPS as I crossed a hump taking my old sump pump to the dump, I hit a bump and busted my rump like Forrest Gump. I’m afraid I’m gonna have a big old lump/bruise/contusion……What is the best remedy for this scenario and sit uation?????


From ole  geezerish Hughbert


Willodean……. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.!!!!!!..


Look Willodean………Here at the Service, we strive for excellance. AND YOU RIGHT INN WIF THIS LUNATICALISTIC MEANDERING DIATRIBE????

I’m shocked to see such an outrageously and blatantly legubrious posting from someone in your position . As a curator at the NATIONAL Museum of  MARSUPIAL ROADKILL Skeletal REMAINS ((NMMRSR)), YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE a PILLAR OF SOCIETY.


Never mind the bump on the rump from hitting the hump and taking a jump as you took your sump pump to the dump. If I get any more absurd rambling literati from you like this, I am going to have my nephew Edwin track you down and whack you over the head with a Box of Shredded Wheat…THEN YOU”LL HAVE A BUMP……(Now that I think about it. Edwin’s only 6, so his tracking ability is somewhat limited….but that’s really not a big deal, I’ll get somebody else.) The point is YOU BETTER STRAIGHTEN UP OUT THERE.


Here I am trying to help hold the world IN LINE with important information on a daily basis. AND I”VE GOT TO DEAL WITH THIS STUFF?



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