Phillip T. Rumbleshire from Wally Street in downtown Nhugh York City writes (on an expensive new fangled computer)…dear Hughy…….How is the best way to eliminate volitility in my portfolio……?

From Hughbert


Welll………Phil……I’m sorry you’re sick.


I’ll tell you right now, that “volitility” is a tough and nasty little bacterial bug-type viri. If you can actually see any of it out where you can get too it,…simply pour a little lighter fluid on it. Or strike it swiftly with a hammer . (That’ll even kill the SWINE FLU BUG).


If however, it is actually in your Portfolio, DO NOT POUR LIGHTER FLUID ON IT.( The portfolio is located just above your hibiscus and slightly to the left of the gall bladder. And must not be accessed by regular folks. We  will need to treat it with some sort of medicine.)


You may knot be able to eliminate it completely without having the Portfolio removed. But that involves 4 day hoispitiliziation and then paying for it for 12 years. I recommend eating a large amount of cranberries each day. Followed by an applied tincture of sassafrass root.

(Use only as directed.) The contraindications are counterperdative and void wherein prohibited by law ….and or a whining relative.


If this treatment doesn’t eliminate the volitility…………I would say to  PANIC. And then take two aspirin…but DONT CALL ME IN THE MORNING.


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