Vincent Van Gonne’ from Frinceene Germany’s Highest Castle tower on a beautiful mountain bluff overlooking the cities newest water treatment facility writes Dear Hugh: I am doing a impressionistic painting of a the very RARE and endangered Double-Beaked Crabslinger sitting on a causeway out across a vat at the treatment plant. But he keeps moving around too much. What can I do to get a better, more accurate likeness of the bird?

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From Hugh

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Well……………………….First of all, let me say that This work of art is going to really make a splash in the Arts and croissant community.

Many people have wondered why you hadn’t already done this long-aweighted work.

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And IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD.

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Now look……..You and I both no that the only way you are gonna get a good likeness of this fowl…….Is to see it up close. They say there are at least seven of em left in the world.  That’s mower than enough to keep em going……So I say trap the thing with one of my readily availble Endangered Species Apprehension Apparatuses. (ESAA)….(((((((((((((SIDE NOTE:::::There are probably thousands of these birds living in deluxe double-sided street signs and junked Volkswagons all over the world.)))))))))))))))))))

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Get some good pictures..( and then eat it for supper if it gives you any trouble). My understanding is that they taste very similar to the spotted owl. (If cooked correctly). Look Van, they said the spotted owl could only live in OLD GROWTH FORESTS….and was endangerd , so the foresting industry was decimated in the Northwest US. THEN THEY FOUND THE SILLY THINGS….. LIVING IN  K-MART Signs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…

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The main thing hear is to get a good painting. Just be careful with that DOUBLE Beak on the rascal. That thing can peck you to death before you know what hit you.




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